Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.

On Drivers, Passengers, and Road Trips

When you're in a position where you have privilege, power, positionality, or some combination of the three, you are more than likely the driver—the driver of your destiny, your learning, your unlearning, and your personal development and growth, which means your privilege allows you to actively and passively drive things for others who aren't as centrally positioned. But one thing most people seem to neglect thinking about is that when you have so much power as the driver, you need to recognize that half the time, you think you should be driving but would be better off as a passenger.

Being a good passenger is equally as crucial as being a conscientious driver.

Evolving as a person is more about how you engage and absorb information, insights, and uncomfortable truths about yourself and the world around you than it is about being in control of everything. As a passenger, I've learned and unlearned many things. By being humble enough to let someone else take the wheel and giving them an equal share of my power, privilege, and positionality, I have grappled with my discomfort, ignorance, and the hurdles to my growth and development. And I honored those drivers in those moments by paying them back for their time and energy, amplifying their voices, and sharing my own time, energy, and resources to let them be passengers when they wanted to be. If we're all claiming to be on the same road and heading to the same destination, we should be taking shifts as the driver and passenger to give everyone on the trip the chance to be heard, seen, supported, elevated, and to rest, especially those with less privilege, power, and positionality.

That's one of the best road trips, y'all.

That's the road trip to liberation for all.

On HR and Being The Right Hand of The King

Image description: a comic strip. In the strip, a person dressed in medieval king regalia walks away from a limbless black knight. The king is wielding a sword in their right hand. The letters "EE" are on his back, which is shorthand for employees. The limbless black knight's torso is upright, looking onward at the departing king. The letters "HR" are on the black knight's back, which is shorthand for human resources. Their arms and legs are strewn about. They are shouting at the king, "Come back...'tis just a flesh wound...oh, all right, we'll call it a draw!"

It is 2023. If you're an HR "professional," and after everything that has happened to melanated communities, queer communities, reproductive health, and public health over the past four years, you're still operating in your HR role like you're the right hand of the King?

You're in the wrong profession.

I hear Medieval Times is hiring.

Real talk? Your HR approach and philosophy were never what employees needed, even when conversations about the ethics and execution of HR were merely whispers between coworkers who were angry about how you treated them but knew that they didn't want to catch your ire and lose their jobs. And at this point? Your brand of HR is no longer wanted or tolerated by employees, as we all understand our rights and what your style of HR represents. The standard for what HR can and should be is higher now, and accountability for HR "professionals" is growing. That HR style you're still wielding like a broadsword? That's only wanted by senior leaders who view themselves on some King Richard sh-- who believe they need a human weapon to "control the peasants."

And some of y'all are mighty comfortable with being the sheriff of Nottingham.

Not a good look.

[Image description: a comic strip. In the strip, a person dressed in medieval king regalia walks away from a limbless black knight. The king is wielding a sword in their right hand. The letters "EE" are on his back, which is shorthand for employees. The limbless black knight's torso is upright, looking onward at the departing king. The letters "HR" are on the black knight's back, which is shorthand for human resources. Their arms and legs are strewn about. They are shouting at the king, "Come back...'tis just a flesh wound...oh, all right, we'll call it a draw!"]

On White Shock, White Awe, and the Dismantling of DEI Work in Organizations

White “professionals”: If you’re shocked by the news that many companies have recently been dropping “DEI” departments and initiatives to “save money,” then I feel for you and the ridiculous state of blissful ignorance you’ve been likely embracing most of your adult life but especially since the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor led to protests across the United States.

Come on. You aren’t shocked, are you? C’MON. Stop that. Of course, these initiatives are on the chopping block. Most of these departments and initiatives were running on fumes anyway. Your company leadership ensured that by placing the burden on a handful of melanated folx led by clueless “good” white “DEI experts” and making melanated folx the scapegoats when your company didn’t have life-changing, culture-shifting results in six months to a year. And real talk?

Most of y’all have been going through the motions for damn-near three years.

Your workplaces were doing the same thing.

White capitalism-driven systems like workplaces are designed for optimum performative allyship to keep all the “good” white folx feeling good about themselves. And real talk?

Y’all stopped feeling good about being an “ally” by the autumn of 2020.

When it stopped being the “cool thing to do?” Most of y’all went back to your regularly scheduled programming.

We [the melanated masses plus everyone you work with who isn’t white, straight, cishet, and able-bodied] could see it in your body language and how you talked about the topics of equity, inclusion, anti-racism, anti-Blackness, antisemitism, and anti-Asian hate by Black Friday.

We watched as the places we worked, enthusiastic about ensuring we all knew work was a “safe place,” followed suit.

Y’all were out of energy and zeal for Black lives - any non-white lives - by January 2021.

Stop being shocked and start being honest with yourselves.

I wonder how many of y’all are standing up and speaking up as your companies cut diversity, equity, and inclusion out of your workplace like an appendix: something they had no use for and disposed of when their bodies rejected it.

Where y’all at, “allies”?