On Wolves, White Violence, and "Changing the World" After Reading One Anti-Racism Book

One of the ongoing conversations I have with white people is around them feeling like they've taken a couple of trainings, read a few books, and now understand 400+ years of racism and white supremacy to the point where they're ready to "change the world" and "be an ally."

Y’all don’t realize how dangerous y’all are.

I would rather you didn’t open up the door to learning if you weren’t going to come in, take a seat, and make it your forever home.

All y’all are doing is adding more weapons to your anti-Black, racist, white supremacy-upholding arsenal. You’re more dangerous to communities of color, Black, Brown, and Indigenous communities, when you know a little because y’all conflate it as if you know a lot and wield your good/bad binary like a Morningstar.

I have yet to see a white person who has attended a couple of trainings at work and read a few basic books do anything but harm melanated folx while thinking they’re helping us with their new “education.” And I have yet to see an “educated” white person respond to being called in or out about harming others demonstrate that they have the emotional maturity and ongoing understanding of white supremacy enough to take in the feedback, atone, and do better.

Wolves in ill-fitting sheep’s clothing.

If you’re going to open the door, come in, stay awhile, and decide if you’re gonna love it or list it.

For all our sakes.

[Image Description: An image of two wolves staring at each other under a big moon. Above them are the words, “White people: inside you there are two wolves.” Below them are the words, “They’re both racist. One of them just hides it better than the other.”]

Image Description: An image of two wolves staring at each other under a big moon. Above them are the words, “White people: inside you there are two wolves.” Below them are the words, “They’re both racist. One of them just hides it better than the other.”

On Drivers, Passengers, and Road Trips

When you're in a position where you have privilege, power, positionality, or some combination of the three, you are more than likely the driver—the driver of your destiny, your learning, your unlearning, and your personal development and growth, which means your privilege allows you to actively and passively drive things for others who aren't as centrally positioned. But one thing most people seem to neglect thinking about is that when you have so much power as the driver, you need to recognize that half the time, you think you should be driving but would be better off as a passenger.

Being a good passenger is equally as crucial as being a conscientious driver.

Evolving as a person is more about how you engage and absorb information, insights, and uncomfortable truths about yourself and the world around you than it is about being in control of everything. As a passenger, I've learned and unlearned many things. By being humble enough to let someone else take the wheel and giving them an equal share of my power, privilege, and positionality, I have grappled with my discomfort, ignorance, and the hurdles to my growth and development. And I honored those drivers in those moments by paying them back for their time and energy, amplifying their voices, and sharing my own time, energy, and resources to let them be passengers when they wanted to be. If we're all claiming to be on the same road and heading to the same destination, we should be taking shifts as the driver and passenger to give everyone on the trip the chance to be heard, seen, supported, elevated, and to rest, especially those with less privilege, power, and positionality.

That's one of the best road trips, y'all.

That's the road trip to liberation for all.

This Week's Opening Thought: February 20, 2023

This week’s opening thought: There is nothing wrong with side-eying advice given to you by people who lack an understanding of your culture and the impacts of heteronormative white supremacist ideology while exhibiting a paper-thin knowledge of the historical context of the trauma inflicted on your people or community.

White “professionals” call themselves giving me advice all the time yet lash out whenever I offer them some counter-advice about addressing how their privilege, white privilege, and perspectives cultivated through a whiteness lens shape the advice they give. Every time it happens, I shake my head and keep it movin’. Real talk? They’ve just made my not listening to anything they say to “advise” me on how to live my life that much easier.

Your advice lacks validity if you can’t acknowledge how your advice might not work for everyone’s circumstances or how your advice could ignite or exacerbate trauma for folx from some communities.

What works for a white man rarely works for a Black woman.

What works for a queer-identifying white person usually doesn’t work for a queer-identifying person from a Global Majority community.

What works for a non-disabled person comes with many hurdles for someone with a disability.

If you’re out here trying to give advice but can’t take in how your power and positionality permeate your advice? You’re Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz.

And no one should want to be seen in the same light as Phil or Mehmet.