This Week's Opening Thought: July 29, 2024

This week's opening thought: I recently turned 42.

I'm not one to celebrate birthdays, achievements, or milestones. It has always felt wrong. For decades, I thought I disliked celebrating little moments because I felt they weren't worth the time and energy. Real talk? I walked across the stage for my high school graduation and ran to one of my two jobs without fanfare. I graduated from college and was like, "Meh," when my wife wanted to celebrate my achievement. I stopped celebrating landing jobs or opportunities long ago, looking at them as blips in my timeline.

I have spent most of my life lumping these situations into not being worth my time. "I've got sh-- to do" is one of my favorite lines to mutter when people want to celebrate me. But as I get older, wiser, and healthier, I've unearthed why I don't celebrate birthdays, achievements, or milestones.

I'm Black in the United States, and everything feels like borrowed time.

I didn't start embracing joy until my 30's. I didn't start doing anything for my birthday until my mid-30s, and I'm still reticent to do more than some meals at cool restaurants. There's a trauma that I've spent time unpacking over the past few years, one that is deeply embedded in my soul. At its root is a simple yet complex question:

Do you celebrate today if it always feels like there is no tomorrow?

I find it hard to celebrate much in a society that allows police officers to walk into my home and murder me without provocation. It's difficult to tap into joy when I could be lynched at a moment's notice, and my family would get no justice for my Black body. It's unsettling to know that for every high, racism and white supremacy are dangling over my head like the sword of Damocles waiting to "take me down a notch."

I'm learning that I don't want to live that way anymore.

White supremacy does not get to dictate me taking a victory lap every now and then for how awesome I am. (Yeah, I'm feelin' myself.)

I've embraced joy. Now, I know I need to embrace that regardless of how dangerous the world is around me, I deserve to be celebrated. My achievements deserve to be honored and acknowledged.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I deserve a fresh huckleberry lemonade.

To all my Black people: celebrate you, your people, and your achievements. Don't let this "white-a-betes" that systems of pallor want to inflict you with take away from honoring your family, friends, and your achievements in the face of a system that has never believed we should exist.

Enjoy your lemonade.

[Image description: This is a picture of me at Solstice Restaurant in Hood River, Oregon. I'm making a whimsical face while holding a freshly made huckleberry lemonade.]

Image description: This is a picture of me at Solstice Restaurant in Hood River, Oregon. I'm making a whimsical face while holding a freshly made huckleberry lemonade.

About Sonya

Sonya Massey.

I'm not going to watch the bodycam footage. I stopped that practice many years ago. I can’t keep watching my people die, so I refuse to engage in the trauma porn of our constant suffering.

Doesn’t make the reality of it all hurt any less.

I honestly have no more words for the ever-present harming and willful disregard of Black women. I have rage, sadness, deep sorrow, but no words that verbalize how jumbled it all feels in my brain, body, and soul.

I advise every Black person, every Black woman, to not watch the footage. Please don’t do that to yourself. That said, if you’re a Black person, especially a Black woman, and you feel like you have to watch, please do everything and anything you need to do to take care of yourself in the moment and after you’ve finished viewing it. Your mental and emotional health matter.

Black women just want to live without constant threats to their lives and livelihoods.

I don’t know why this is so damn difficult for people of pallor to want to understand.

Sonya Massey.

Say her name.

This Week's Opening Thought: July 22, 2024

This week’s opening thought: If you weren’t willing to defend, stand with, and support Black and Brown women before now or were waiting on the “right opportunity to be an ally” to Black and Brown women in the United States, guess what?

The f—-g time is now.

I mean, I don’t know what the hell was wrong with you before now (what were you waiting on, a formal invitation?). Still, if these unprecedented times (side note: I am SO TIRED of “unprecedented times.”) we’re likely about to enter into during this presidential election don’t have you ready to step up and chin check every raggedy, racist, sexist, anti-Black person in your workplace, family, and neighborhood that tries to drag the Vice President, Black women, and Brown women through the mud with unfounded accusations and discredited stereotypes built on racism and white supremacy that have nothing to do with their skills, intelligence, and insights then you should keep your “thoughts” to yourself and own that you never intended to get off the bench and get in the game.

Sh--’s about to get more real and dangerous for many communities than you could ever imagine.

Yo’ ass should've been in the game, but you're still milking that “ankle injury” from practice to cover up your affinity for bench warming and participation trophies.

P.S.: This is not a conversation about the veep’s record and past. We’ve had that conversation ad naseum and we’re not going to rehash that in this space. We’ll revisit that conversation at some point. This particular conversation is about standing with and supporting Black and Brown women in real-time as the threat to their overall safety inches into dangerous territory. This includes offering your support to Kamala Harris. Yeah, I said it. I asked for it. Some of y'all are gonna want to drag me for it, but I will always stand with and support Black women, period, especially in the face of people who would prefer to go back to chattel slavery, Jim Crow, and no rights for anyone but wealthy people of pallor.

On Black Jobs and Being "The Help"

One of the many things that people of pallor do that always hits a particular nerve in me is the seemingly unbridled desire or unconscious urge to automatically assume that Black and Brown folx, Indigenous people, and people of color are "the help" so they should be addressed as such.

A chunk of the generational trauma that people of pallor navigate the world carrying in their brains and bodies is built upon biases, stereotypes, and a belief that most jobs and tasks aren't worthy of being jobs people of pallor should have or tasks they should have to do. And there seems to be this innate inability to refrain from making jokes about people of color doing manual labor for people of pallor. Hell, chattel slavery was built on these ideals, so it's not surprising that this messiness is imprinted in the DNA of generations of people of pallor.

But just because it's not surprising doesn't make it any less oppressive or mean that people of pallor shouldn't unpack and unlearn this sh—.

This nonsense has happened to me my entire life. Most people of color, Black and Brown folx, and Indigenous folx deal with this in some capacity. I have been stopped while shopping dozens of times by people who think I'm "the help." It doesn't matter what kind of store I'm in or that store team members are usually in uniform with a name badge on their lapels – I still get pegged as "the help." I have been in shorts and flip-flops and still have people of pallor asking me where the Brita filters are.

It happens when I'm gardening and minding my business in my yard. I've had people of pallor ask me for my card because they "think I do good work." Many jokingly quip, "You can come down to my house and do my lawn next," "I've got some weeds you can pull," or some other "funny banter." These interactions occur at least once a week in the summer months and too many times to count throughout the year.

I can't even wash my car without dealing with this nonsense. I washed my car yesterday, and as I was detailing the tires and interior, some woman of pallor cheerfully said, "I'm going to pull my car up, and you can do mine next!" I looked at her, stone-faced, and quickly said, "No. Not today." She obviously didn't expect my response because she reacted like I spit at her feet before quickly complimenting the job I was doing and moseying her ass down the street.

Let's be real: there is nothing wrong with any job. All jobs have merit and are good jobs. I will never denigrate anyone's job. Jobs of all kinds keep the world moving forward. Thousands of jobs ensure our lives are collectively easier, safer, healthier, and a little more assessable at the behest of people's blood, sweat, and tears. But this inherent assumption that many people of pallor carry that some jobs are beneath them and that melanated people are always here to serve? It's preposterous.

There are no Black jobs, Karen. There are just jobs. Period.

Your white supremacy is showing.

You might wanna tuck that in.

A Tuesday Reminder for the HR "Professionals"

Hey, y'all! Here's a Tuesday reminder for all of the HR "professionals" out there that, as a field, human resources is not about caring for employees. It should be, but historically has not been. HR was created as a tool of capitalism and white supremacy to maintain a particular workplace status quo centered on governing and managing people, not supporting their rights and needs. HR as an industry still operates from management theories and frameworks, many of which are bogged down in early to mid-1900s rhetoric and oppressive patriarchal nonsense. Colleges and universities still teach HR from this lens. The governing bodies of the industry build their certification testing from this lens.

That doesn't mean you must do your work based on that sh--.

It's 2024. The world is literally and figuratively on fire. We're barely 365 days removed from a global life-altering medical emergency that took millions of human lives. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, ableism, and oppression are running rampant. The specter of far-right systemic oppression is all around us. If you're still out here calling yourself an HR "professional" and you haven't realized a) how much people loathe HR as a field and b) how necessary it is for you to be a humble, vulnerable, lifelong learner and unlearner that centers equity, inclusion, anti-racist, and anti-oppressive life practices in your work to show people that HR can and must evolve?

Then it's time for you to do something else with your life.

We're well past the days where HR is just some nice, cushy, 9-to-5 office gig. We're well past looking at HR as paperwork and transactional interactions. And we're well past protecting companies.

Human lives are impacted by what HR does and does not do in your workplace every damn day. Human lives are altered, and deep-seated harms are reignited by the situational workplace trauma you foment when you don't center humans in the processes and policies of the place you work. And if you don't get it, how much harm can you do while walking around as the "People and Culture Manager" or whatever other fancy rebranding your company has done to absolve you and the company of having to face the human reality of the workplace and the world around us?

You are a problem.

You are a danger.

And you are more of a cog of the system than the people you've been tasked with oppressing.

But hey, you're one of the good ones, right?