A Sunday Thought for White People

A Sunday thought for white people: If you've spent the last 3-5 years or more going to “diversity” and anti-racism and white supremacy dismantling trainings while reading a zillion books on these topics, yet you still automatically jump to defensive maneuvers, white fragility and violence when you or another white person you know is called in or out for their conscious or unconscious hateful words or actions then you need to call it a day because you haven't or are unwilling to learn how not to be a perpetual danger to Black folx, melanated folx, and the Global Majority.

You're not learning or integrating anything you're exposed to or reading into your daily life. All you're doing is inadvertently making yourself more dangerous to Black and Brown folx, to melanated folx. Because you’re enmeshed in white supremacist ideology and scared of acknowledging and processing how you do and have harmed melanated folx, all you're getting from all the books and trainings are additional weapons to wield against the Global Majority when you feel “in danger” and a false sense of superiority over other white people. Until you’re willing and able to do the work, you're going to need to digest the fact that you are going through the motions for kudos and clout. And you expect melanated folx, the Global Majority, to provide you those kudos and co-signs. And that kind of performative nonsense is for you, not for me and mine like so many of you like to claim it is.

Do me a favor: don't do me no favors.

Go read a Nicholas Sparks novel or something.

On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.

On Genus, Species, and Names

It has never been lost on me that white people will name their kids after the scientific name of a plant species or animal genus, yet act like correctly pronouncing my name is akin to climbing a snow-covered mountain with no equipment.

White people: if you can correctly pronounce the names of your favorite strains of cannabis and mushrooms then you can pronounce the names of melanated and Global Majority folx.

P.S.: My name is pronounced ˈferō or ˈfārō. I prefer the latter over the former, but I ain’t mad if the former happens because some regions of the world pronounce my name as such. There you go, white people. No excuses now. You’ve got a full-on cheat sheet. You get it wrong after this? You might as well gon’ head and admit you’re deeply entrenched in your white supremacist colonial ideology.

On Low Bars and Cishet Men

Whenever I talk to my femme and female friends, family, and colleagues about their experiences with cishet men, I want to punch the air. Why? Because I swear, the bar is set so low for cishet men.

Which bar?

All of them.

For what?

For everything.

And everywhere.

Our patriarchal society ensures no accountability for their actions and no cultivation of an understanding of active and engaged communication and listening, tuning into the needs of others, and living with empathy for others. Because of this, many of them cannot be called in or sit with the realistic expectations that they can and should be better than those before them. It leaves many of us who aren’t cishet men to clean up and repair their messes while caring for those they leave in their wake. And all this while society tries to force all of us who aren’t cishet men to cater to the emotional kindling of cishet masculinity, or we’ll all get burned. It's irritating to watch, and I'm so tired of watching it. And if I'm tired as a queer cis man of doing everything I can not to perpetuate cishet ideologies while watching cishet men continuously harming others, then I can't imagine how women, Black women, Global Majority women, and femmes, queer folx, nonmasculine-identifying folx, and everyone else who doesn't benefit from cishet privilege and misogyny feels.

Sheesh. Get it together, cishet men. It's well past the time to evolve what identifying as a cishet man should represent.