On An Election and A Country's True Identity

I'm not surprised. I'm saddened, but I’m not surprised.

I'm unsurprised that 59% of men of pallor and 52% of women of pallor voted the way they did. I'm sadly not surprised that after everything he said and will do to immigrants when he takes office, he still got 54% of the masculine-identifying and 37% of the feminine-identifying Latine and Hispanic vote.

I'm saddened, but I’m not surprised.

I am disheartened but unsurprised.

I didn’t need a reminder, but for those who did, this election was a firm reminder that the United States is precisely what it has always been: a country steeped in individualism and fear of moving forward, unwilling to be progressive and care for all its citizens, and legitimately uninterested in trying to be the country it likes to claim it is.

He won this election, and it wasn't even close in the popular or electoral vote. A party with a platform of hate, oppression, and regression will be in complete control of the Government come January 2025, and it wasn't even a fight.

And I know so many of y'all voted for this man and this party while playin’ in the faces of the people in your life who you know their policies and governance will do extreme harm to. Most of y'all are quick to bust out a Black Lives Matter sign or bring up trans and reproductive rights just to have a smoke screen to vote against everyone’s best interests.

I loathe that most of y'all won’t own your hatred and fear of losing what you think is exclusively yours - rights, privileges, and safety from tyranny.

I loathe that most of y'all won’t own who you are in front of those your choices impact.

I loathe that most of y’all will be shocked when the people you elected do the exact things you hired them to do and you find yourself and your families adversely impacted and in physical, mental, emotional, and economic distress.

But I’m not surprised.

You're Americans! That's what Americans do, right?

I'm saddened. I'm disheartened. I'm not surprised, though.

This is the American way, y'all.

Note: This poll data is from a subsection of the voter base from 10 states.

On the NABJ and Not All Skinfolk Being Kinfolk

I don't have much to say about yesterday's NABJ Conference debacle and the messy events that preceded it, mainly because Black folx across the internet and beyond have covered all the bases and then some. But one thing that frustrates my soul is the interviewers and the heads of the NABJ trying to put a positive spin on this sh—.

I've seen and heard multiple messages and sound bytes since yesterday’s 30-minute sexist, racist, fragile ego-driven, anti-Black shindig trying to spin this mess as “eye-opening for voters” and doing the service of “showing us who [name redacted] truly is.” But you see, NABJ, there is one problem with this news cycle-level spin job:

WE ALL KNOW WHO HE IS.

Who the f—- didn't know who this man was and what he believed about Black people, women, and intersectionality before yesterday’s hateful antics?!

He didn't need stage time at your conference. None of us needed to watch another round of him attacking women, chastising and harming Black women in front of an audience, and being an absolute racist and white supremacy-driven sack of human excrement. Unless you've been in a coma or trapped in an underground bunker like Kimmy Schmidt for the past decade, this raggedy felon the NABJ scrambled for days to get on their stage for clout and headlines has shown us exactly who he is, to the point that you don't even need him to open his mouth to know how he feels. Did y'all think the public and your association members would buy that this was some altruistic venture, especially when all the behind-the-scenes shenanigans came to light?

Spin that nonsense somewhere else, NABJ.

Take your L. Make amends. But don't sit there acting like this all went pretty well unless you're referring to that well Buffalo Bill had at his house.

Don't act like you created a learning moment for us unless the lesson was that some people are still shocked when a leopard bites their face off.

And don’t act like this all pretty much went according to plan unless you planned to harm Black women.

It looks like the NABJ needs to learn that misogynoir and anti-Blackness can easily be stoked and fomented by Black people.

How about y'all research and investigate that, then get back to us with your findings?

On Cis Men and Choices

As a cis man, I want to be clear that cis men are fed a lot of patriarchal, misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, and ableist nonsense as they grow up and go into the world. It's modeled to them by men in their families and communities and made into "guidelines" for what a "real man" is. Cis men are inundated with paper-thin role models and horrible advice that diminishes their identities and worth.

But none of that is an excuse for any cis man to be a bag of crap.

Cis men can do better.

I grew up in the 80's. Toxic, violent masculinity was everywhere. I grew up with the same buckets of filtered nonsense, and I don't go around harming folx and spouting off "real men" rhetoric in every space I find. I don't make it my life mission to belittle others to assert my masculinity. I don't look the other way when cis men harm other people and say things like, "Boys will be boys," or call people derogatory phrases if they aren't "tough enough."

At some point, we have to acknowledge that you can have trauma and need to unlearn things, but neither excuses male toxicity and violence.

Cis men can do better. But cis men have to choose to do better, to be better, and be vulnerable enough to admit they have much work to choose to engage in to be better.

Cis men can do better.

Many choose not to.

Emphasis on choice.

On Whiteboards, Learning, and the Fragile Male Ego

Image description: two pictures of the whiteboard on my office door. The second picture shows the quote of the week from Huey P. Newton (“Youths are passed through schools that don’t teach. Then forced to search for jobs that don’t exist and finally left stranded to stare at the glamorous lives advertised around them.”) and the word of the week, weaponized incompetence (definition: strategically avoiding responsibility by pretending to be incapable or inept at a task so that someone else helps, takes over, or stops delegating tasks to you. This creates an entrenched level of imbalance in relationships. Weaponized incompetence is regularly seen in relationship dynamics driven by patriarchal, heteronormative societal "values" and "norms.").

I have a whiteboard on my office door at work. It has my on-site hours listed, as they vary from week to week. It’s also the home to my chosen quote and word of the week. I started doing this a couple of months ago, and it's been interesting watching my on-site colleagues’ reactions to what they see on my office door. This week's word of the week - weaponized incompetence - has been a real crowd-pleaser for everyone who isn't a cishet male. For the few cishet men in my office? Not the same level of enthusiasm.

Yesterday, I came into the office to find the whiteboard mostly wiped off.

What did I do?

I rewrote the entire whiteboard and put it back on my door.

I'm not that easily deterred. But, more importantly, everything can be a learning moment, even for the scallywag who used their fingers to wipe off my board.

Hopefully, they’ll learn that next time they decide to wipe away a message that brings them discomfort, they should use their sleeves as an eraser so their fingers aren't covered in low-odor, dry-erase ink. I mean, work smart, not messy? But I hope they eventually learn that just because someone doesn't want to see a message doesn't mean they don't need to. Maybe they'll learn to check in with their feelings the next time they get the urge to not sit with and unpack their fragility and make something "go away."

Also, last week’s word of the week was structural racism, but weaponized incompetence was the word that sent someone over the edge?

People never cease to amaze me.

[Image description: two pictures of the whiteboard on my office door. The second picture shows the quote of the week from Huey P. Newton (“Youths are passed through schools that don’t teach. Then forced to search for jobs that don’t exist and finally left stranded to stare at the glamorous lives advertised around them.”) and the word of the week, weaponized incompetence (definition: strategically avoiding responsibility by pretending to be incapable or inept at a task so that someone else helps, takes over, or stops delegating tasks to you. This creates an entrenched level of imbalance in relationships. Weaponized incompetence is regularly seen in relationship dynamics driven by patriarchal, heteronormative societal "values" and "norms.").]

On Low Bars and Cishet Men

Whenever I talk to my femme and female friends, family, and colleagues about their experiences with cishet men, I want to punch the air. Why? Because I swear, the bar is set so low for cishet men.

Which bar?

All of them.

For what?

For everything.

And everywhere.

Our patriarchal society ensures no accountability for their actions and no cultivation of an understanding of active and engaged communication and listening, tuning into the needs of others, and living with empathy for others. Because of this, many of them cannot be called in or sit with the realistic expectations that they can and should be better than those before them. It leaves many of us who aren’t cishet men to clean up and repair their messes while caring for those they leave in their wake. And all this while society tries to force all of us who aren’t cishet men to cater to the emotional kindling of cishet masculinity, or we’ll all get burned. It's irritating to watch, and I'm so tired of watching it. And if I'm tired as a queer cis man of doing everything I can not to perpetuate cishet ideologies while watching cishet men continuously harming others, then I can't imagine how women, Black women, Global Majority women, and femmes, queer folx, nonmasculine-identifying folx, and everyone else who doesn't benefit from cishet privilege and misogyny feels.

Sheesh. Get it together, cishet men. It's well past the time to evolve what identifying as a cishet man should represent.