On Women's History Month, International Women's Day, and the Perils of White Women

It's International Women's Day today, and March is Women's History Month in the United States. While so many women have influenced me and how I view, approach, and navigate the world, from my mother in my formative years to women I am happy to call friends, chosen family, and long-time colleagues; I must admit that all of my gratitude for those women comes with a side-eye to white women.

They are the most dangerous people in my chosen profession.

They have placed me in more dangerous situations than any other group.

They have threatened my livelihood and earning potential on multiple occasions.

So it makes it hard for me and many other melanated folx to celebrate all women as deeply as we could when the specter of whiteness and the power and positionality of white women is under the surface of celebrating progress and perseverance.

Yes, it's International Women's Day, and this month is Women's History Month in the United States. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be honest about our world and how white women impact that world. If you live in western culture and have decided to be remotely observant, you've seen firsthand how white women are placed at the forefront of women's history, like they are the only entity that has fought for earning and maintaining women's rights. But then you look at how white women vote, who they collectively posit as their "oppressors," and how they have exploited and benefited from the work and energy of melanated communities in similar and sometimes more harmful ways than white men. And that sh-- hits different. Like, women as a whole have to constantly fight for the right to exist in this world, in the United States, but I've seen so many of those fights for rights, equity, and equality be uphill battles against the opinions, power, and positionality wielded by white women.

Look, I'm not trying to be divisive or disrespect women. I am from a family of women who've persevered despite the constant harm of our world. Talking about this will likely find me dealing with a whole mess of Karen-energy emails and DMs. But real talk? I call it as I see it. And besides, I'm gonna delete your emails, so save that energy for doing better.

We should all be able and willing to celebrate, fight alongside, support, and stand with all women. But to make an already hard battle a little easier, we need white women to step it up beyond lip service and evolve away from their white supremacist ideologies.

Y'all are the roadblock for all women, white women.

It's time to start clearing the road.

P.S.: Before some of y'all chime in with the "your wife is white" comments: yes, I know. I'm aware of the fact that my wife is white. I'm also mindful of how she atones for her whiteness and consistently shows up in spaces to support Black women, melanated women, and all women with the privilege she has while taking in feedback and checking herself. We wouldn't be together if she didn't, so find a new talking point to diminish the truth.

This Week's Opening Thought: March 6, 2023

This week's opening thought: If you live in the United States, you live in a country that is more scared of gender expression in the arts and entertainment and drag shows "harming children" than they are of domestic white terrorism and a lack of gun control, which at this point are the number one killers and traumatizers of U.S. children.

I don't care what anyone says; I have never felt endangered by any person's gender expression being shared with me, personally or through entertainment. I have not seen gender expression harm or murder children in the United States, and I likely never will.

But I sure as fuck am scared of disgruntled fragile white men with automatic weapons.

And I'm equally as scared of the danger U.S. children face when they go to school daily or live in communities impacted by poverty, systemic oppression, and violence.

But you know Drag Queen Story Time at the local library is the scourge of our nation.

Glad to see lawmakers across the United States have their priorities in check.

On White Shock, White Awe, and the Dismantling of DEI Work in Organizations

White “professionals”: If you’re shocked by the news that many companies have recently been dropping “DEI” departments and initiatives to “save money,” then I feel for you and the ridiculous state of blissful ignorance you’ve been likely embracing most of your adult life but especially since the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor led to protests across the United States.

Come on. You aren’t shocked, are you? C’MON. Stop that. Of course, these initiatives are on the chopping block. Most of these departments and initiatives were running on fumes anyway. Your company leadership ensured that by placing the burden on a handful of melanated folx led by clueless “good” white “DEI experts” and making melanated folx the scapegoats when your company didn’t have life-changing, culture-shifting results in six months to a year. And real talk?

Most of y’all have been going through the motions for damn-near three years.

Your workplaces were doing the same thing.

White capitalism-driven systems like workplaces are designed for optimum performative allyship to keep all the “good” white folx feeling good about themselves. And real talk?

Y’all stopped feeling good about being an “ally” by the autumn of 2020.

When it stopped being the “cool thing to do?” Most of y’all went back to your regularly scheduled programming.

We [the melanated masses plus everyone you work with who isn’t white, straight, cishet, and able-bodied] could see it in your body language and how you talked about the topics of equity, inclusion, anti-racism, anti-Blackness, antisemitism, and anti-Asian hate by Black Friday.

We watched as the places we worked, enthusiastic about ensuring we all knew work was a “safe place,” followed suit.

Y’all were out of energy and zeal for Black lives - any non-white lives - by January 2021.

Stop being shocked and start being honest with yourselves.

I wonder how many of y’all are standing up and speaking up as your companies cut diversity, equity, and inclusion out of your workplace like an appendix: something they had no use for and disposed of when their bodies rejected it.

Where y’all at, “allies”?

This Week's Opening Thought: February 27, 2023

This week’s opening thought: Rage applying.

Rage. Applying.

One of you business magazine writer fools made a catchy name for getting tired of your manager treating you like crap, paying you like crap, and overworking the crap out of you, leading you to apply to other jobs so you can stop wading in crap.

🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

Parental advisory. Cursing ahead.

What in the fucking hell is wrong with us?!

How horrible is the work culture in the United States if this is the current topic of conversation, twisted to make it appear as if workers, not employers, are the problem?

This isn’t new shit. This is called, “This job sucks! I’m gonna find another job while keeping this one so I can survive long enough to get out of here.” People have been doing this for a century!

Pardon my French, but I fucking hate these cute-ass names y’all keep coming up with to absolve leadership and decision-makers in organizations from taking responsibility for the toxic, degrading, abusive environments they create and perpetuate.

Employers? You’re the reason you keep losing talented people.

Accept responsibility, address the harm you’ve caused with your policies and leadership choices, and do better.

Managers and supervisors? You’re also the reason you keep losing talented people.

Accept responsibility, address the harm you’ve caused, and do better.

Fucking rage applying. Geezus.

It’s just applying for other employment opportunities because you know you deserve better.

Y’all come up with one more damn cutesy name, and I’m comin’ by your house for a chat.

Here’s a new word for y’all to focus on: ACCOUNTABILITY.

On Backseat Driving, Armchair Quarterbacking, and the Oppression Olympics

People often ask me why I don't post about everything happening in the world. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

"I saw you posted about the recent hate crime in [insert city here], but you didn't say anything about the drag bans."

"You said something about 'quiet quitting,' but I didn't see anything about the recent layoffs."

"How are you talking about what happens to Black women in the workplace but not talking about Black men? We're suffering too."

"I understand the queer community is fighting for their rights, but a Jewish hate crime happened this week too. Why didn't you say something about that?"

You know what? I hear you.

You're right. I didn't talk about all the things that happened this week. And some of y'all are obviously all up in your feelings about it because you choose to send me DMs letting me know how disappointed you are in me not giving what you care about a full write-up. Yeah, I didn't write about some of the things you care about this week. What's stopping you from writing about it?

Here's the thing: I am not the AP news feed. I'm not a "bad ally" because I didn't write something about things impacting your community (FYI: I don't label myself an ally. I wanted to get ahead of that train before it left the station). I can't report on everything going on to keep your news feed fresh because I don't have the time, and I value my energy and health. I don't get paid for these free-99 posts, and y'all ain't tippin' but think you get to dictate the content and experience.

Y'all thought wrong, boo-boo.

I see everything going on and decide how to use my energy based on my mental and emotional state. I can't process all the ongoing trauma around me into a stream of written text. My mental and emotional well-being would be at risk. I also acknowledge that there are some things I feel qualified to write about and others that aren't my story to share. For example, I can write about some of the Black experience, but Black folx aren't a monolith, so there are some topics that other Black folx have shared experiences and perspectives that I do not. In those cases, I share their work with the public with their consent.

How I write and what I write about is a form of self-care and a sign of respect to those whose voices I should elevate and not overshadow. It doesn't mean I don't care about others, as I care about my community. It doesn't mean I'm not helping people, making space for people to share in braver and safer ways, or connecting with people and communities offline. It means I'm not telling YOU, because it's none of YOUR business. I don't use my voice and my privileges to help others for clout. I'm a real G with mine.

And real Gs move in silence like lasagna.

Save the disappointment and vitriol for those harming others. I am not against you, but I am also not a Black body contorting itself to be your soapbox.

Get to blogging.