On Backseat Driving, Armchair Quarterbacking, and the Oppression Olympics

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People often ask me why I don't post about everything happening in the world. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

"I saw you posted about the recent hate crime in [insert city here], but you didn't say anything about the drag bans."

"You said something about 'quiet quitting,' but I didn't see anything about the recent layoffs."

"How are you talking about what happens to Black women in the workplace but not talking about Black men? We're suffering too."

"I understand the queer community is fighting for their rights, but a Jewish hate crime happened this week too. Why didn't you say something about that?"

You know what? I hear you.

You're right. I didn't talk about all the things that happened this week. And some of y'all are obviously all up in your feelings about it because you choose to send me DMs letting me know how disappointed you are in me not giving what you care about a full write-up. Yeah, I didn't write about some of the things you care about this week. What's stopping you from writing about it?

Here's the thing: I am not the AP news feed. I'm not a "bad ally" because I didn't write something about things impacting your community (FYI: I don't label myself an ally. I wanted to get ahead of that train before it left the station). I can't report on everything going on to keep your news feed fresh because I don't have the time, and I value my energy and health. I don't get paid for these free-99 posts, and y'all ain't tippin' but think you get to dictate the content and experience.

Y'all thought wrong, boo-boo.

I see everything going on and decide how to use my energy based on my mental and emotional state. I can't process all the ongoing trauma around me into a stream of written text. My mental and emotional well-being would be at risk. I also acknowledge that there are some things I feel qualified to write about and others that aren't my story to share. For example, I can write about some of the Black experience, but Black folx aren't a monolith, so there are some topics that other Black folx have shared experiences and perspectives that I do not. In those cases, I share their work with the public with their consent.

How I write and what I write about is a form of self-care and a sign of respect to those whose voices I should elevate and not overshadow. It doesn't mean I don't care about others, as I care about my community. It doesn't mean I'm not helping people, making space for people to share in braver and safer ways, or connecting with people and communities offline. It means I'm not telling YOU, because it's none of YOUR business. I don't use my voice and my privileges to help others for clout. I'm a real G with mine.

And real Gs move in silence like lasagna.

Save the disappointment and vitriol for those harming others. I am not against you, but I am also not a Black body contorting itself to be your soapbox.

Get to blogging.

Monday's Opening Thought: October 25, 2021

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This week’s opening thought for those who make leadership decisions in organizations: There is NO simple fix for the decades of systemic oppression and white supremacy that you’ve allowed to happen unabated in your company for decades. Quit looking for one.

There’s no one-off training that’ll suddenly abolish the toxic ways your white male managers treat and talk down to Black women under their supervision.

No anti-racism “checklist” exists that will automatically stop the patriarchy protecting white women in your workplace from pulling out the white tears whenever they’re called out for their words and actions.

No monthly anti-racism book club will Thanos snap the microaggressions and oppression Olympics and white victimhood away.

No equity audit will instantly change the minds of your board of directors or the senior leadership team who do not believe that racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia are running rampant in your company. It will not change their thinking that these issues only impact a couple of people and are not a core part of your company culture.

Everybody wants the quick solution, the thing that will make all of the hateful things their company let become a seamless part of the workplace culture go away so that they can brag that they “defeated hate.” They want the nuke that’ll put it down, once and for all, with minimal damage to the surrounding area and the villagers near the explosion. The thing is, it took your company countless decades to allow this hate kaiju to grow into a damn near unstoppable creature fed by decades of your neglect and gaslighting.

Why do you think it won’t take decades to put the hate kaiju you and everyone who has had power and positionality for decades in your company allowed to manifest and gain sentience down? And down for good at that?

You’re going to need more than a nuke to kill this beast of your creation. Better get to work before you run out of villagers to sacrifice.