Monday's Opening Thought: November 29, 2021

This week’s opening thought: In my work, I regularly encounter white people and people of color with adjacency to white privilege and power. They share with me that they are distraught, upset, sometimes even shocked by the machinations of racism and white supremacy. We inevitably talk about accountability during these conversations, of white people and people with privilege being actively engaged and doing their individual and collective work to evolve and unlearn. I bring up how we all have to call in and call out racism, white supremacy, and oppression in every space, system, and institution we find ourselves in. At this point in the conversation, like clockwork, many white people and people of color with privilege utter the line that often signals we’ve hit their discomfort threshold:

“We have got to do better.”

Um. OK?

I only have one response for that statement to people who go there with me: what does “better” mean? Better yet, what does “better” mean to you? Because often, this sentence is thrown out there for camaraderie, not action or accountability, and not self-accountability or self-action. It’s the kind of statement that allows someone to feel like a decent, caring person, to show a semblance of care and concern without taking tangible steps actually to be better. That is the danger of hollow statements: They sound nice, but they contribute to nothing but the good/bad binary of the person saying them.

Sure, we need to do better. Of course, we do. On multiple fronts. The question is, what are YOU going to do to “do better”? What is your responsibility to yourself, your friends and family, the children in your life, the community you live in? How are you going to take accountability for your actions and unlearn a lifetime of white supremacist ideology? Where are you going to start with your self-work? When are you going to start your self-work?

“Do better” sounds nice. It’s a sentiment with which we can all agree. Being better, though? Being better in a concerted way that supports marginalized communities? That supports Black, Brown, and Indigenous communities? That supports AAPI communities? That forces systems to evolve and change and calls in and calls out people for their harmful words and actions? That’s putting YOUR words into action.

Live a life of action verbs.

Monday's Opening Thought: November 22, 2021

This week's opening thought: I'm not going to scold you or go out of my way to make you uncomfortable about celebrating the U.S. national holiday coming up this Thursday. What's the point?

At this point, most U.S. Americans know the actual origins of the gentrified and white-washed history of white people with no survival skills harming and killing the rightful and original stewards of the unceded land that makes up what we call North America. We all know that this upcoming national holiday's "roots" were taught to us in a series of lies in our formative years. We all made headdresses and hand turkeys in kindergarten. We all participated in some horrific school pageant or holiday program where we sang racist stereotype-driven songs about Native Americans in elementary school. As adults, most of us recognize the number of fallacies we were told about the "relationship" between the pilgrims and Native Americans. With all of that in mind, many of us still celebrate this national holiday for whatever personal reason we make ourselves OK with. Some folx view it as a gathering of friends and family, a moment of gratitude, a big shopping day, maybe even an opportunity to eat decadent food and watch U.S. American football. If you decide to celebrate the holiday this Thursday, that is your choice. I am not going to judge you or begrudge you. I hope you go into the Thursday holiday with legitimate gratitude and respect for the Indigenous people murdered and harmed in shaping the "history" of said holiday, regardless of how you choose to celebrate. But I will ask you to do a few things for me during your holiday observations if you consider yourself an active anti-racist and anti-oppressive person:

• Don't put marshmallows in the yams. That sh—is diabetes-inducing enough without marshmallows.

• Quit gentrifying mac and cheese by putting random items in it that don't need to be there. Seriously. Mac and cheese does not need to be gentrified. Straight-up delicious mac and cheese is more than sufficient.

• Take a moment during the holiday to understand that this holiday and its parades and white-centered celebrations are painful and traumatic for our Native and Indigenous friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues. Take a moment during the holiday to sit with yourself and reflect on the historical context and pain of the holiday, especially in the face of the ongoing global pandemic—just an acknowledgment of how we got here to keep you grounded. If there are things you don't know about the history of this holiday, take a moment to learn something – and unlearn something else.

• Call out your racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, ableist family members. Or don't invite them to your house. Or don't go to their house. You're an adult. You don't have to do anything that causes you harm or be around harmful people; familial relations be damned. If you say you're an “ally,” that you’re about that life, be about that life. Stand for something. If not now, when? Because if you aren't willing to step up now and stand for something after the pain and trauma of the past 24 months for so many marginalized communities and communities of color, then you're likely never going to.

Well wishes to many of you and your families if you observe and celebrate the holiday as a time of gathering and gratitude that respects the owners of this land. May you acknowledge and reflect on the sacrifices and pain that have brought this holiday into existence.

My eternal condolences, respect, and gratitude to the rightful stewards and owners of this land.

Monday's Opening Thought: November 15, 2021

This week's opening thought: There is never a "good explanation" for why you're racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, or ableist. I don't need to know why. Your actions and words say all they need to say. An explanation doesn't matter.

I don't need to hear how you wouldn't be racist if you didn't almost get robbed by a Black kid when you were twelve. I don't need to understand how being rebuked by women has "made you sexist." I don't need to hear how you were raised to believe in two genders and two genders only. No explanation will explain away your heinous words and actions. This ain't a Marvel movie.

No one is obligated to sit and listen to your supervillain origin story.

You are not the sympathetic party or the victim in the ways you think you are, regardless of any trauma you may be carrying in your brain and body. And believe me, if your default is hate, you are grappling with generational trauma at the very least.

Being harmed doesn't give you a pass to harm others, and it doesn't make a good base for weaving a yarn that gets people to give you a pass.

Spend less time on "why" and more time on "why am I still?"

And keep your origin story to yourself.

Monday's Opening Thought: November 8, 2021

This week’s opening thought: your emotional, mental, and physical health matters more than any job or career, especially if being in that job or pursuing that career comes with toxic workplace cultures rife with misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and racism.

I know that it’s very privileged thinking to quit a job connected to your survival or take a step back in a career you’re pursuing that could derail your progress. I know it can even be privileged thinking to believe you have the right and option to find a job that speaks to your mind, body, and soul. I’ve worked positions that were all about survival, about keeping my head above water. I understand how elitist it sounds to say something like “you don’t have to take this” when we often feel we have no option but to “take this.” If you think any of the above when reading this, I want to validate and support you. Your thoughts and feelings are valid.

And that’s why your emotional, mental, and physical health matters more than any job or career.

You deserve more. You deserve better. Whether it’s a career aspiration or a job to keep your head above water, you deserve dignity and respect. We all do, regardless of or place in an organization’s hierarchy.

I know it’s daunting to embrace yourself and your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know it likely feels awkward to think differently about all of this after spending your lifetime indoctrinated in systems and workplace cultures, feeling like you have to accept abuse, that it’s part of the job. But it’s not. You matter. Embrace you.

No matter the job or career, you deserve more than just a paycheck and the abuses that “come with it.”

Monday's Opening Thought: October 25, 2021

This week’s opening thought for those who make leadership decisions in organizations: There is NO simple fix for the decades of systemic oppression and white supremacy that you’ve allowed to happen unabated in your company for decades. Quit looking for one.

There’s no one-off training that’ll suddenly abolish the toxic ways your white male managers treat and talk down to Black women under their supervision.

No anti-racism “checklist” exists that will automatically stop the patriarchy protecting white women in your workplace from pulling out the white tears whenever they’re called out for their words and actions.

No monthly anti-racism book club will Thanos snap the microaggressions and oppression Olympics and white victimhood away.

No equity audit will instantly change the minds of your board of directors or the senior leadership team who do not believe that racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia are running rampant in your company. It will not change their thinking that these issues only impact a couple of people and are not a core part of your company culture.

Everybody wants the quick solution, the thing that will make all of the hateful things their company let become a seamless part of the workplace culture go away so that they can brag that they “defeated hate.” They want the nuke that’ll put it down, once and for all, with minimal damage to the surrounding area and the villagers near the explosion. The thing is, it took your company countless decades to allow this hate kaiju to grow into a damn near unstoppable creature fed by decades of your neglect and gaslighting.

Why do you think it won’t take decades to put the hate kaiju you and everyone who has had power and positionality for decades in your company allowed to manifest and gain sentience down? And down for good at that?

You’re going to need more than a nuke to kill this beast of your creation. Better get to work before you run out of villagers to sacrifice.