On Women's History Month, International Women's Day, and the Perils of White Women

It's International Women's Day today, and March is Women's History Month in the United States. While so many women have influenced me and how I view, approach, and navigate the world, from my mother in my formative years to women I am happy to call friends, chosen family, and long-time colleagues; I must admit that all of my gratitude for those women comes with a side-eye to white women.

They are the most dangerous people in my chosen profession.

They have placed me in more dangerous situations than any other group.

They have threatened my livelihood and earning potential on multiple occasions.

So it makes it hard for me and many other melanated folx to celebrate all women as deeply as we could when the specter of whiteness and the power and positionality of white women is under the surface of celebrating progress and perseverance.

Yes, it's International Women's Day, and this month is Women's History Month in the United States. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be honest about our world and how white women impact that world. If you live in western culture and have decided to be remotely observant, you've seen firsthand how white women are placed at the forefront of women's history, like they are the only entity that has fought for earning and maintaining women's rights. But then you look at how white women vote, who they collectively posit as their "oppressors," and how they have exploited and benefited from the work and energy of melanated communities in similar and sometimes more harmful ways than white men. And that sh-- hits different. Like, women as a whole have to constantly fight for the right to exist in this world, in the United States, but I've seen so many of those fights for rights, equity, and equality be uphill battles against the opinions, power, and positionality wielded by white women.

Look, I'm not trying to be divisive or disrespect women. I am from a family of women who've persevered despite the constant harm of our world. Talking about this will likely find me dealing with a whole mess of Karen-energy emails and DMs. But real talk? I call it as I see it. And besides, I'm gonna delete your emails, so save that energy for doing better.

We should all be able and willing to celebrate, fight alongside, support, and stand with all women. But to make an already hard battle a little easier, we need white women to step it up beyond lip service and evolve away from their white supremacist ideologies.

Y'all are the roadblock for all women, white women.

It's time to start clearing the road.

P.S.: Before some of y'all chime in with the "your wife is white" comments: yes, I know. I'm aware of the fact that my wife is white. I'm also mindful of how she atones for her whiteness and consistently shows up in spaces to support Black women, melanated women, and all women with the privilege she has while taking in feedback and checking herself. We wouldn't be together if she didn't, so find a new talking point to diminish the truth.

Monday's Opening Thought: March 7, 2022

Image description: Three images of women at protests across the United States, holding protest signs. From left to right: a white woman holding a sign that says "Our lives are on the line"; a Black woman holding a sign that says "We are stronger together"; an illustrated protest sign with a Black woman, her daughter on her shoulders holding a sign that says "Our feminist future." The mother and her daughter are flanked by a Brown woman and a white woman holding up signs that say "Power to the Polls" and "Tax the Rich."

This week's opening thought: This month is Women's History Month in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia. Tomorrow, March 8, is International Women's Day. We should all celebrate the impacts, achievements, and the drive and determination of the women in our lives and the women throughout western and world history. They have made our world the rich and lush tapestry of art, ingenuity, passion, empathy, resiliency, and strength that shape our lives.

But then we should all take the words resiliency and strength out back and put them out of their misery so that they never pose harm to another woman ever again.

And when I say "another woman," I mean ALL WOMEN. Don't @ me.

Women have to be resilient and strong because societal cultures are built on patriarchal hate and oppression.

Women have to be resilient and strong because we live in a society that thinks the Weinsteins, Cosbys, R. Kellys, Kanyes, Epsteins, and Trumps of our world should be given the benefit of the doubt when they harm women.

Women have to be resilient and strong because we live in a patriarchal culture that pushes the narrative that it's somehow a woman's fault if they are sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, fetishized, or objectified.

Women have to be resilient and strong because we live in a world that views women as secondary and tertiary citizens undeserving of rights and autonomy over their lives, choices, and bodies.

Women have to be resilient and strong to live, to survive. There is no choice for most women to be anything other than strong or resilient because the patriarchy only offers two options: assimilate and be docile or be harmed until you assimilate and become docile.

Resilient and strong are what women have to be to make their own choices in a world that offers them none.

We need to collectively work toward a world where resilience and strength can be viewed as positive acknowledgments of women's achievements and power and not definitions that box women in from being their whole selves. And the only way to work toward that is to dismantle the patriarchy and build something better.

And that work is not just "women’s work.”

Monday's Opening Thought: March 8, 2021

This week’s opening thought:

Listen to all Black women.

Believe all Black women.

Validate all Black women.

Support all Black women.

Advocate for the mental, physical, and emotional well-being of all Black women.

Protect all Black women.

Real talk? Oprah shouldn’t have had to interview a Black woman who married someone she loved - someone who just so happened to be a part of a colonialist, racist, inbred patriarchy that obviously did not want “her kind” in their family - for you to care or consider all of the aforementioned. Her pain and trauma shouldn’t have had to be on display for you to be like, “Maybe she’s telling the truth.” Why do I feel this way?

Because you’ve heard these stories before. You just weren’t actively listening.

Black women have been sharing stories and harrowing ordeals akin to what Meghan Markle shared with the world last night with the world for centuries. In the workplace. In the communities they live in. Even marrying into non-Black families or having intimate relationships and friendships with white people. Meghan’s experience is not unique.

And that is the problem.

Western culture has normalized harming Black women to the point where most people - some Black folx included - don’t even bat an eye when faced with the prospect of this generational hatred or even their part in it. If you saw the interview and you feel for Meghan, which you should, ask yourself how often you’ve felt this way when you’ve heard these stories from Black women who aren’t Meghan. Then ask yourself why you weren’t compelled enough to care about Black women enough in those moments to be an ally or accomplice. It shouldn’t have to be on TV as a prime time special for you to care. And you know what?

These stories were already on your damn TV anyway.

It’s on the local and national news, buried behind a story about a squirrel that rides a jet ski and other puff pieces. It’s Breonna and Sandra and Muhlaysia and countless other Black women gone too soon and forgotten with no justice, names you’ve heard in passing that made you sad for 15 minutes.

You’ve heard these stories before. You just weren’t actively listening.

You might need to put on your listening ears for once and wire them up to your belief that you’re an ally or accomplice.

All Black Women Matter.