On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.

On Backseat Driving, Armchair Quarterbacking, and the Oppression Olympics

People often ask me why I don't post about everything happening in the world. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

"I saw you posted about the recent hate crime in [insert city here], but you didn't say anything about the drag bans."

"You said something about 'quiet quitting,' but I didn't see anything about the recent layoffs."

"How are you talking about what happens to Black women in the workplace but not talking about Black men? We're suffering too."

"I understand the queer community is fighting for their rights, but a Jewish hate crime happened this week too. Why didn't you say something about that?"

You know what? I hear you.

You're right. I didn't talk about all the things that happened this week. And some of y'all are obviously all up in your feelings about it because you choose to send me DMs letting me know how disappointed you are in me not giving what you care about a full write-up. Yeah, I didn't write about some of the things you care about this week. What's stopping you from writing about it?

Here's the thing: I am not the AP news feed. I'm not a "bad ally" because I didn't write something about things impacting your community (FYI: I don't label myself an ally. I wanted to get ahead of that train before it left the station). I can't report on everything going on to keep your news feed fresh because I don't have the time, and I value my energy and health. I don't get paid for these free-99 posts, and y'all ain't tippin' but think you get to dictate the content and experience.

Y'all thought wrong, boo-boo.

I see everything going on and decide how to use my energy based on my mental and emotional state. I can't process all the ongoing trauma around me into a stream of written text. My mental and emotional well-being would be at risk. I also acknowledge that there are some things I feel qualified to write about and others that aren't my story to share. For example, I can write about some of the Black experience, but Black folx aren't a monolith, so there are some topics that other Black folx have shared experiences and perspectives that I do not. In those cases, I share their work with the public with their consent.

How I write and what I write about is a form of self-care and a sign of respect to those whose voices I should elevate and not overshadow. It doesn't mean I don't care about others, as I care about my community. It doesn't mean I'm not helping people, making space for people to share in braver and safer ways, or connecting with people and communities offline. It means I'm not telling YOU, because it's none of YOUR business. I don't use my voice and my privileges to help others for clout. I'm a real G with mine.

And real Gs move in silence like lasagna.

Save the disappointment and vitriol for those harming others. I am not against you, but I am also not a Black body contorting itself to be your soapbox.

Get to blogging.

On Painful Anniversaries, Anti-Asian Hate, and Solidarity in the Face of Hate

TW: Anti-Asian hate, violence, murder, fetishization.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of 21-year-old Robert Aaron Long murdering eight people in a mass shooting spree at three Atlanta, Georgia, area spas, which Long claims happened due to his "sex addiction." Long's actions led to the senseless murders of Xiaojie "Emily" Tan, 49; Daoyou Feng, 44; Delaina Yaun, 33; Paul Michels, 54; Suncha Kim, 69; Soon Chung Park, 74; Hyun Jung Grant, 51; and Yong Ae Yue, 63.

The murders of these eight people, living their lives and trying to make a living, were not isolated incidents.

Attacks against Asian Americans have been on the rise since the start of the pandemic. The FBI reported an increase in anti-Asian hate crimes since 2019. The group Stop AAPI Hate has tracked nearly 11,000 hate incidents against Asian Americans from March 2020 to December 2021, with more occurring in 2021 than 2020. Most of those incidents targeted women from AAPI communities.

With racial attacks on the rise, AAPI communities are increasingly fearing for their safety with very little accountability for the actions of those initiating hate crimes. A recent survey published this month from the National Asian Pacific American Women's Forum (NAPAWF) found that 74% of Asian American and Pacific Islander women reported experiencing racism and/or discrimination over the last year. 53% said the perpetrator was a stranger or someone they didn't know. For East Asian respondents, in particular, 51% of women said they feel less safe today than at the start of the pandemic.

As we look at the anniversary of a violent and hateful act, I feel so much pain for my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues. As a person of color, a Black person, I feel this pain deeply because I know how terrifying it is to believe you might not make it home today. I know how horrifying it is to think that your loved ones might not make it to the dinner table tonight. But what I really feel, deep inside my soul, is exhaustion.

I'm tired. I've been tired. One thing I'm so tired of is watching as communities of color have to acknowledge painful and traumatizing anniversaries while asking for justice and safety that never come. Many of my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues are also tired. I know many of you are hurting, scared, still trying to reconcile why this has to be your reality and why there is so much hate in this world. I don't have answers. But you do have me – my support, care, and solidarity.

I stand with my AAPI friends, family, and colleagues on this painful anniversary and every other day of the year too. I stand with AAPI women and femmes on this painful anniversary and every other day of the year too. I will always stand with you and fight for your right to live, to exist, to thrive, not to be objectified and fetishized by white supremacy and hate. And we'll keep fighting together to make it so that the only anniversaries we're observing are celebrations, not trauma.