On Wedding Websites and Rulings of Hate

This morning, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of Lorie Smith, a "Christian" graphic designer who wanted the right to discriminate against same-sex couples seeking her services. This ruling went in her favor despite a Colorado law prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, race, gender, and other protected characteristics. Smith's argument? That the Colorado law violated her free speech rights.

The conservative U.S. Supreme Court agreed with her.

How did this law violate her "freedom of speech?" Your guess is as good as mine, seeing how no one was twisting her arm to force her to take jobs or be hateful.

Lorie's raggedy ass could've politely declined the request, stating she was busy or unavailable, but she didn't. I'm not saying this move is the right or best way to handle things because it would still be a hateful move, but it wouldn't be as confrontational and escalated as this situation became. Do you know how many white people I've encountered who dislike me and my people but decide their vitriol for me isn't worth escalating, so they passively opt out of things? Way more than you'd think. I know members of LGBTQIA+ communities face similar situations. The couple who sought out Lorie's services could've moved on, likely knowing that there was an underlying current of hate to their request being declined but maybe not feeling like this battle was worth escalating (sadly, many of us have to pick and choose which battles to fight and when).

Lorie didn't have to make it an openly hateful thing with these potential clients, but she did. Lorie didn't have to be aggressively homophobic but chose to be. But Lorie was worried about her "freedom of speech" being taken from her. Real talk?

Lorie wasn't worried about her freedom of speech. Lorie was worried about decency infringing on what she believes is her freedom to hate others "in the name of the Lord."

And now every hateful, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, racist, bigoted, faux Christian business owner in the United States will refuse to serve countless communities because the U.S. Supreme Court has declared they have the right to do so.

You have the right to have your beliefs until your beliefs are constantly wielded as clubs of hatred, bigotry, and white supremacy that harm or murder others. Then they aren't beliefs anymore. They're hate crimes.

The U.S. Supreme Court thinks otherwise.

On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.

Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.

On Mass Shootings and Trans Safety

TW: Gun violence, mass shooting, anti-trans violence.

It’s the 27th of March, and the United States has had 130 mass shootings. All those shootings barely stayed in the news cycle for 72 hours. All but today’s mass shooting in Nashville, Tennessee. Why?

Because for the only time in the history of the United States actively cataloging mass shooting numbers, the shooter was a member of a marginalized community facing a constant and persistent danger to their existence.

The shooter was trans.

The shooter was trans in a country deadset on harming trans communities, dehumanizing trans folx, and making a concerted effort to strip trans folx of human rights on every level conceivable.

The shooter was trans in a country looking for any opportunity to vilify trans folx to pursue an agenda of erasure through cisgender-driven transphobic hatred.

Because of this, you can guarantee that half of this country’s news cycle will be dedicated to that agenda.

Sadly, as is the custom in the United States, those who lost their lives in this tragedy will be an afterthought in the aftermath of their lives being taken by bullets from assault rifles. But their lives will be further diminished by a country full of hateful policymakers running with a new rung on the ladder of the narrative that trans folx are a danger to the populace and a threat to our children. These narratives will do nothing but increase the risk of harm or death to children, trans children, and trans adults at the hands of hateful sheep looking to justify their hate.

And all because, for one time in the history of the United States, a mass shooter wasn’t a cishet male.

Now trans communities will suffer, the families of those who lost their lives will suffer, and both parties will be pitted against one another in the news cycle with the intent of further endangering trans lives. And the United States will be no closer to addressing gun violence, protecting our children from real threats to their safety, or ensuring our country isn’t steeped in anti-trans hate.

And all of this enhanced trauma at the start of Trans Week of Visibility.

To those of you reading this who aren’t trans: get informed and involved. Visit the Trans Week of Visibility website to get informed and learn how to help. Find initiatives in your city, region, and state. Check the people in your life who are OK with the ongoing threats to trans folx. And do what you can to protect the trans people in your life.

To all my trans friends, family, and colleagues: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this constant freight train of harm. You’re not alone. Please reach out to me if you need anything. We’ll figure out how to do our best to protect you and yours.

Sending you love and energy.

On White Women, Handmaids, and (Maybe) Stepping Up

As we end June 2022 and wind down Pride Month and Juneteenth celebrations, we walk away from a month of tumult with a hazy horizon in front of us. I’ve seen a lot of joy and pride in embracing oneself and celebrating culture and perseverance in the face of hate and oppression.

That joy and pride conflicted with the hard-to-miss fact that the United States is trending toward becoming more dangerous and harmful to most of its citizenry than it already is.

As Roe v. Wade was overturned, as the religious right began its long-gestating power play to obliterate the line between church and state, I’ve seen many white people shocked at what’s happening around them. Many white women are suddenly distraught at the future ahead of us if the citizenry doesn’t collectively stand up and fight for rights and safety. Bodily autonomy is officially on the chopping block, and the future of women’s rights and reproductive health looks a little murky. I’ve seen many white women with tears in their eyes, sharing their stories of needing reproductive health access and saying their eyes are now open. They’re proclaiming they’re ready to stand up and fight on every social media platform they can find. Because I’m human, I can feel for those white women and their fear and anxiety, at least a little bit. But as a Black man in the United States?

They can miss me with their shock.

And they can Matrix miss me with those tears.

In the 2020 election, among White women, according to NBC News, 43 percent supported Biden, and 55 percent supported Trump. There was little meaningful change from 2016 when the same exit poll showed that 43 percent of White women supported Clinton and 52 percent supported Trump. Other significant polling data found the same or similar percentages, give or take a couple of percentage points.

You can miss me with those tears, white women.

More white women are in the U.S. House and Senate than at any point in United States history. They are primarily Republican, and a sizable portion of them are Christian conservatives. Those who are Democrats are mostly moderate or centrist in their voting habits. And most of them have voting records that set the stage for everything we’ve seen over the past week by supporting and enabling white supremacist and oppressive policies, bills, and laws.

On top of all those mentioned above, Black women and Black, Brown, and Indigenous movements have warned white women of the dangers of aligning with white supremacist patriarchal values since before the Women’s suffrage movement. We’ve stressed the need for understanding the intersectional impacts of siding with whiteness and white Christian dogma over the unethical and hateful treatment of women and people with uteruses in the United States.

You can miss me with those tears.

You have nothing to be shocked about, white women. What are you shocked about? That the safety you thought you had by aligning yourself with white patriarchal nonsense doesn’t exist? You thought they were only coming after the “colored women?” You thought these repeals and Supreme Court decisions would skip you as a white woman and oppress everyone else?

That’s a dangerous game to play, white women.

But you already knew that, and many of you played it anyway.

You played the game, lost, and now it’s time to do more than cry. Mourn a little. Mourn the loss of your conscious obliviousness. Feel the weight of the moment. Begin processing the trauma and anxiety of it all.

Then step your asses up to the plate and fight for EVERYONE. Not just for white women. Not just for white people with uteruses.

For ALL people with uteruses.

For ALL women.

Are you going to step up now? Or will you keep comparing the current state of things to the Handmaid’s Tale and posting your personal stories for sympathy while levying microaggressions toward Black women who aren’t coddling you now?

If I shake my Magic 8-Ball, something tells me all signs will point to no.

How about you prove me wrong?