On Normalizing a New Normal

Normalize walking away from people and relationships that do not energize, elevate, comfort, or support you, your trauma, and your healing how you need them to.

Normalize walking away from people and relationships that let it be known, blatantly or subtly, that your focusing on your health and well-being is somehow an affront to their toxicity and how they want to use your shoulders to carry their trauma.

Normalize the understanding that blood may be thicker than water, but they are both liquids with the power to drown you, body and soul, and you deserve to remain undrowned.

Normalize that there is a thin line between codependence and helping and supporting those you love and that the line is so thin because, for many of us, it is a taut thread of generational and societal trauma that our families and friends are scared to tug on lest it unravels and leave us to face our traumas raw and unfiltered.

Normalize embodying that you are enough and deserve to rest, heal, and be surrounded by supportive people who care about you and your needs.

Normalize that all of the above-mentioned are not selfish thoughts.

Normalize a new normal.

We all deserve that.

On Looking Both Ways and Frog-Based Evasion Maneuvers

I look both ways when I cross the street. Even when crossing a one-way street, I look both ways. Why?

Because some of y'all think you're driving in the right direction until you run someone over. Then you expect the instant gratification of instantaneous forgiveness for doing the bare minimum to atone for your actions. And when you don't get instant gratification, your sincere apology devolves into blaming the person you ran over for being in your way and getting run over.

Some of y'all know you're not driving in the right direction, and don't skip a beat in your forward movement when you run someone over. And when you're asked to atone and do better in the future, you can't help but unleash anger you feel is justified toward those you've run over. Hell, sometimes y'all hit reverse and run those you've already hit over again.

And some of you realize you're not driving in the right direction but think you can go the wrong way just this once. You know that no one will notice or hold you accountable for your actions. You’ve got privilege on your side. Besides, it's not that big of a deal, right? So what if you go the wrong direction and graze a few people? They'll be fine. The people you've hit? They need to get over it. And if they don't want to "get over it" and expect you to be accountable for your actions? Well, they're blowing things out of proportion. It's not like you killed them or anything, right? They can walk it off!

And many of y'all are going in the right direction and still running folx over. And instead of staying with the person you've run over until help arrives, y'all put the pedal to the floor and get the hell out of dodge. I mean, you've got a reputation to maintain. You're a good person. You donated to causes last year and marched in your city after George Floyd was murdered. You're one of the good ones. You can't have people out here thinking you don't care if you harm others. So what if the person you just hit is trying to get back to their feet and looking your way, expecting you to take responsibility for your actions? If they only knew the kind of person you are, they would understand this was just a mistake. Never mind that you did the same thing a week ago. You're a good person, dammit!

So, of course, I look both ways when I cross the street, even when crossing a one-way street. What kind of fool do you think I am? Do I look like Boo-Boo the Fool to you? What do I look like stepping off the curb just because the light turned green and expecting some of y'all not to run me over after centuries of watching people like me, people who are just trying to cross the damn street, getting run over and receiving no justice?

Some of us spend our entire lives trying to get across the street with as many of our parts, emotions, and faculties intact as possible.

And some of y'all are out here playing Frogger.

Some of y'all need to change more than just a dollar for four quarters.

A Sunday Thought for White People

A Sunday thought for white people: If you've spent the last 3-5 years or more going to “diversity” and anti-racism and white supremacy dismantling trainings while reading a zillion books on these topics, yet you still automatically jump to defensive maneuvers, white fragility and violence when you or another white person you know is called in or out for their conscious or unconscious hateful words or actions then you need to call it a day because you haven't or are unwilling to learn how not to be a perpetual danger to Black folx, melanated folx, and the Global Majority.

You're not learning or integrating anything you're exposed to or reading into your daily life. All you're doing is inadvertently making yourself more dangerous to Black and Brown folx, to melanated folx. Because you’re enmeshed in white supremacist ideology and scared of acknowledging and processing how you do and have harmed melanated folx, all you're getting from all the books and trainings are additional weapons to wield against the Global Majority when you feel “in danger” and a false sense of superiority over other white people. Until you’re willing and able to do the work, you're going to need to digest the fact that you are going through the motions for kudos and clout. And you expect melanated folx, the Global Majority, to provide you those kudos and co-signs. And that kind of performative nonsense is for you, not for me and mine like so many of you like to claim it is.

Do me a favor: don't do me no favors.

Go read a Nicholas Sparks novel or something.

On Hate, Shock, Awe, KFC and Baskin-Robbins

I am legitimately mystified by how many people with privilege, power, and positionality are still shocked that they live in a country with so much hate, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, and bigotry toward many communities as they watch mass shootings, hate crimes, and hateful legislation run rampant from coast to coast. I can understand being disappointed, scared, and even overwhelmed by the constant deluge of hate in our cities and communities via physical violence and legislation. That makes sense, especially for those of us whose lives, or their family, friends, and communities, are in danger. But shock? How is anyone still shocked after those harming many of us have been explicitly clear about why they aim to harm and kill others? At this point, there's a legitimate precedent that many communities are in constant danger due to bigotry and white supremacy. It's undeniable what's going on around us. So what are y’all still shocked about? 

That’s like going to KFC and being shocked that they fry chicken.

How are some people still so willing to try and rationalize or intellectualize harm to others? How are some people still so taken aback or surprised that a country built from colonialism, white supremacy, enslavement, and genocide is still perpetuating those original sins? The level of privilege, the lack of humanity, humility, and empathy, and the learned generational ability to shut out anything you don’t want to acknowledge while the world burns around you in some U.S. Americans is wild to watch.

I bet some of y’all are the kinds of people that are shocked that Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors.

Shake my damn head.

Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.