On "Fit," Belonging, Copping a Squat, and Sitting a Spell

For those who have never felt how it feels to understand that there isn't a workplace where you "fit" or belong because of your identities and that your only recourse is to do what you must to survive, count yourselves lucky.

But while you're counting your lucky stars, sit a spell and unpack how privileged you are to feel like you belong everywhere with no feelings of discomfort or attacks on your personhood.

Or cop a squat and mull over how unwilling you might be to acknowledge that you've accepted assimilation and suppression of who you are in some fashion as a form of survival.

Acknowledging these things isn't intended to make you feel guilty.

Acknowledging these things is intended to help you tap into your humanity.

Workplaces aren't one size fits all.

Identities, safety, and belonging aren't either.

This Week's Opening Thought: October 2, 2023

This week's opening thought: I went to use the restroom while waiting for my flight out of Chicago and back to Portland (my wife and I took a much-needed long weekend trip) and encountered a gentleman in the middle of a phone call. He was standing at a urinal, Bluetooth in his ear, deeply involved in a work-related conversation while, I assume, trying to take a standing piss.

While catching this spectacle, the only thing that came to mind was there was something in this person’s work history that made him think he was not allowed the option or opportunity to take a bathroom break. Seeing that he was a person of culture, I can't imagine the experiences that led to the perceived understanding that his bladder and physical relief are significantly less important than a work call. I know the weight of working in white workplaces, in overwhelmingly white professions, and how deep the wounds it inflicts on your identities and self-worth are. I’m fortunate enough to be healing from my experiences, but I know so many people of culture aren’t as fortunate or have yet to embark on that journey. Some never will. I do not judge them, because no one’s journey in life is a carbon copy of someone else’s, but my heart hurts for them.

He left the bathroom before me, sharing one of those work-related jokes many people of culture have been conditioned to tell so our white “colleagues” deem us “safe” and palatable. I’m not a religious man, but I said a little prayer for homeboy’s safe travels and a safer employment situation. I also hoped he has a safe place at home where he doesn't have to be on like this and can prioritize his bladder over a spreadsheet.

Ain’t no job worth your soul, your identities, your self-worth, or a multitasking situation at a urinal in a Chicago airport restroom.

"...And they'll wish they never met you at all!"

[Image description: Stills from Carl Thomas' "I Wish" music video. In the first image, Carl Thomas can be seen looking out of his car window while driving. He has a look of despair on his face at what he is seeing. The second image shows Carl leaning back in his seat. He looks sick to his stomach as he holds in a deflated breath. He has a defeated look on his face. Both pictures are captioned with "White people when they share something wild they've said or done to a person of culture, look to another person of culture for validation or a cosign and realize they're about to get checked."]

[Image description: Stills from Carl Thomas' "I Wish" music video. In the first image, Carl Thomas can be seen looking out of his car window while driving. He has a look of despair on his face at what he is seeing. The second image shows Carl leaning back in his seat. He looks sick to his stomach as he holds in a deflated breath. He has a defeated look on his face. Both pictures are captioned with "White people when they share something wild they've said or done to a person of culture, look to another person of culture for validation or a cosign and realize they're about to get checked."]

On Conflation and the Universal Workplace Experience Myth

There aren't enough people willing to comprehend and admit that just because they feel safe and supported at work doesn't mean everyone feels safe and supported at work. This goes double for the place you currently work.

Just because you're having a good time at work doesn't mean everyone you work with is having a blast.

There is no such thing as a common or universal workplace experience. And if you think there is?

You're conflating your experience as the only experience that matters.

You also might need to evaluate your relationships with white supremacy and “professionalism” and the perks your lack of melanin or willingness to engage in homogenization or assimilation to erase your skin tone provides.

This Week's Opening Thought: September 18, 2023

Image description: A one-panel comic strip. An older person wearing glasses and a suit and tie stands at a podium in front of the silhouette of an audience. A person in the audience says, "I want my kids taught about the past exactly as it happened in a way that also mythologizes this country's achievements in particular while portraying bad actions as aberrations in order to instill a sense of civic pride but is not in any way opinionated." At the bottom of the image is the sentence, "My nightmare: having to write public school history curricula."

This week's opening thought: THIS. This is why I decided to go on an indefinite sabbatical from doing anti-racism and equity work with organizations.

There is no positive spin for original sins.

There is no way to learn about or have difficult conversations about U.S. history, colonization, the abuse and enslavement of Black and Indigenous peoples, and the near genocide of Native and Indigenous communities and make people of pallor "feel safe" or willingly allow people of the white persuasion (genetically or aspirationally) to run with the "not my ancestors" narrative unchecked.

Don't waste my time. Don't waste the time of facilitators, educators, and other people you expect to teach you or our youth if all you want is to feel you and your ancestors are on the "right side of history."

Those who want to rewrite history tend to have no issue repeating it and partaking in its bitter fruit.

Just admit you prefer the fruit you know and aren't interested in you or your kids planting new trees and digging up the old ones.

[Image description: A one-panel comic strip. An older person wearing glasses and a suit and tie stands at a podium in front of the silhouette of an audience. A person in the audience says, "I want my kids taught about the past exactly as it happened in a way that also mythologizes this country's achievements in particular while portraying bad actions as aberrations in order to instill a sense of civic pride but is not in any way opinionated." At the bottom of the image is the sentence, "My nightmare: having to write public school history curricula."]