On Kyle, Crocodile Tears, and White Lives Losing Value When Defending Black Lives

Prepare yourself for Kyle Rittenhouse either getting off clean as a whistle or getting the most minimal time possible for murdering two WHITE people at a BLM protest that his mom dropped him off at in a state he didn’t even live in. It’s the American way, y’know.

See, if Kyle killed two white people “just ‘cause” he’d be deemed a monster, unstable. But he killed two white people trying to support BLACK people. And in the United States? White people like Kyle don’t do time for that. Once he turned on the crocodile tears it was a wrap.

White systems/institutions like the U.S. legal system will always protect white man-children like Kyle, especially when they kill people connected to Black bodies in any way. At that moment, the white men Kyle killed “forfeited their lives” as soon as they cared about Black folx.

Kyle wasn’t “in danger” that night. He went to that protest looking to harm someone. He just didn’t think he’d have to pay for it if he did.

And he likely won’t.

Truth be told, if he’d killed two Black men this case would’ve wrapped days ago.

On White Folx, Social Media Anti-Racism, Enthusiasm, Faux Liberalism, and the Good/Bad Binary

“White folks in 2020: How can we be better allies and help combat systemic racism? Teach us!

White folks in 2021: Stop talking about racism. Your “wokeness” is alienating everybody and causing us to lose elections.

Chile, I can’t keep up.”

Whew, chile, tea .

Last year, when white folx across the United States suddenly started “caring” about Black lives after witnessing a Black man’s police-initiated murder go viral, I couldn’t keep my thoughts to myself. I stated loudly on every platform I could that I wondered how long their enthusiasm would last before “liberal” white folx got exhausted with having to be present and grappling with the expectations of “allyship” and calling their fellow white folx in and out. I watched as so many white people swore they were engaged for the long haul that they would prove me wrong and stand with me and mine.

Fast forward a few months, and the enthusiasm became a light roar. Jump to now, and I haven’t heard or seen anything from any of these “good” white people for over a year. None of those folx have continued dismantling their white supremacy because the deeper self-work doesn’t make for dope Tik-Toks or IG posts. There were no cookies and gold stars for faux anti-racist mediocrity, so the bulk of the “good” white folx slowly returned to cat pics and hollow affirmations.

By the fall of 2020, most of them had moved on. Gone were the Black Lives Matter posts and the quoting of Black leaders and activists. I mean, they were distracted! It was pumpkin spice season! They also didn’t want to discuss the fact that white people, especially white women, overwhelmingly voted against Black lives in local elections across the country and the presidential election. Of course, white folx went back to trying to shift the responsibility and blame to Black folx, forgetting all about our lives mattering.

Over the past few months:

• Black folx are back to being described as the scourge of the nation.

• Black folx are being called divisive and evil for talking about the “dangers” of CRT.

• Black folx are being constantly told that our asks for accountability and real work are “alienating allies.”

On top of all of that, like clockwork, we’re back to being criticized for somehow not bailing white politicians out in elections where once again white people, especially white women, overwhelmingly voted for hateful white people.

Guess Black lives only matter to whiteness when they are in servitude to them and keeping them comfortable in their good/bad binary paradox while supporting white supremacist ideology.

Sorry - not trying to “alienate everybody.”

On Popping Champagne, "Firsts", and Clout Chasing

Image Description: A small group of people are popping a bottle of champagne. The champagne is flowing out of the bottle, frothing. The people are laughing and all share gleeful expressions. The group is all white except for one token Black woman.

If your company, organization, or institution is 60+ years old and you’re popping champagne and celebrating having “firsts” - first female Vice President, first Black Executive Director, first trans Department Lead, first Black female CEO - and these “firsts” are being brought into your company, organization, or institution without support systems and co-conspirators to make transformational and sustainable culture change happen you aren’t “progressive” or “focused on equity and inclusion.”

You’re a tokenizer and clout chaser.

Hope you’re enjoying that champagne, though. I hear the bubbles can tickle your nose, so keep an eye out for that.

A Shout-Out To My Homie, Therapy

I want to take a moment to give a huge shout-out to my homie and road dog, therapy. Good lookin' out, homie!

Real talk? I've been having a difficult last few months. A difficult 2021, to be honest. White supremacy and racism have been beating me down after years of doing the bare minimum to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. Working in white supremacist workplace cultures trying to push for meaningful and deep long-term work had taken its toll on me. By the summer of this year, I was drained. I found myself falling into old patterns of wanting to overdo it, fight harder, with no support system in place in the workplace in the face of white fragility and white violence. I saw my feelings of failure and blaming myself for why things aren't moving forward reacquaint themselves in my life as a familiar albatross on my neck after countless years of fighting it off. I felt like I wasn't of any help to anyone with melanated skin. It took some hard conversations with myself to realize that I had to stop thinking that I had all the answers and that I could "fix it on my own" and finally seek therapy from a Black therapist, someone who would understand me and the complexities of being Black. And honestly?

I cannot hammer home how essential the need for therapy for Black folx, for people of color, is y'all.

Therapy has helped me be firmer with my boundaries than ever before. It's allowed me the space to truly think about embracing joy and engaging in mindfulness and self-care in better ways. It's given me an increasingly important set of tools to center myself in the face of whiteness and oppression. Most importantly, I feel like the weights that have been on my ankles for years are finally unshackled. I feel more and more mentally and emotionally free with each passing session. I have a new focus on my personal and professional goals and now believe more than ever that I can attain those goals.

If you're Black, if you're a person of color, and you're struggling right now please know that you're not alone. If you are privileged to be able to do so, please use sites like Clinicians of Color to find a therapist of color in your area and get the support and validation you deserve. Prioritize yourself. You can't help anyone if you aren't willing to help yourself.

https://www.cliniciansofcolor.org/

Consulting and Coaching for EDI Consultants and Trainers is Here!

So announcement time! I am now offering anti-racism consulting, equity and inclusion consulting, burnout mitigation guidance, and overall support for anti-racism and equity trainers, facilitators, and consultants.

I know from experience how heavy, draining, and isolating this work can be. I’ve faced periods of burnout, fatigue, and shaken faith in the purpose of this hard but necessary work. I’ve been fortunate enough to come out of the other side of these struggles with new practices to center my mental and emotional health and well-being while de-centering the guilt and failure that can often come with doing this vital work in white supremacist workplaces. I want to take my decade of experience in the trenches, implementing difficult change in workplaces while centering myself to have the energy to support others, dismantle feelings of guilt and failure, and de-center whiteness to work for other EDI consultants, trainers, and facilitators.

The goal of this service? To offer consultants something that isn’t always accessible or available to them: a thought partner with experience implementing and executing short-term and long-term strategies while supporting EDI practitioners and leading groups and networking events tailored to giving EDI practitioners a community in an isolating field of work.

So many EDI practitioners are doing this work in areas and regions of the United States where they do not have a team, thought partners, accomplices, or general support in their endeavors. So many folx across the United States want to begin careers focused on pushing for equity, inclusion, and anti-racism in systems and workplaces but don’t know where to start or what their focus should be. Thanks to technology, though, I can offer support and insight to folx nationwide and help you fulfill your goals in this work while taking care of yourself. This means we can work together to remove those barriers to thought partnership, learning, coaching, and community and help EDI practitioners find their mental, emotional, and physical footing in this work.

Are you thinking of starting a career in equity and inclusion but are unsure of where to start? I can help you navigate what approaches and focus areas will utilize and amplify your lived experience, perspectives, and talents.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling with burnout and feelings of failure? I can help you begin re-centering yourself inside and outside of your work and embrace ways to take care of your mental and emotional health.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling to get over the white fragility/violence discomfort wall with a client? I can help you get your head around building and implementing new approaches to discussion and training that can break down those barriers while de-centering white comfort.

Are you an EDI consultant, trainer, or facilitator who is struggling with feeling isolated in your work and looking for not only solidarity but a thought partner and confidant? I can be your thought partner and a new line of support.

My rate for these specially focused consults is $150 for one (1) 60-90 minute session; a 4-session package is available for $550. The initial meeting to discuss your needs and focus areas and to ascertain if I am the right fit for the support you’re seeking is free. If you decide to move forward with me after the initial consult I will begin my work with you collaborating on building a roadmap regarding what we’ll be working on/focusing on together that is flexible yet centered on your needs and goals. We will use that roadmap to kickstart our work.

If you are an anti-racism and equity trainer, facilitator, or consultant and you think I might be able to help you with any of the above (or possibly even something not listed above) please feel free to drop me a line so we can take action together!