A Quick Sit-Down on Juneteenth

Hey, people of pallor. It's y'boy, Pharoah. Not "your boy" - y'boy. Believe me when I say there is a difference.

But I digress.

We've got bigger fish to fry, so let me pull up a chair and straddle it like Commander Riker so we can have a quick chat.

You sitting down? You comfy? Alright. Awesome. Let's "rap."

I don't know the proper "greeting" or "well wishes" message that someone who isn't Black should offer to Black people on Juneteenth, but y'all wishing me a Happy Juneteenth does not feel right.

It gives "progeny of oppressors hoping you will give them a pass because, hey, you're getting a federal holiday for your ancestor's suffering, so why are you uncomfortable with me acknowledging the holiday that exists because of my ancestors oppressing your ancestors" vibes, which is not a good look.

So I'm gonna float a few alternatives your way so you don't have to insert your foot in your mouth on some fetish sh--.

Maybe you shouldn't say anything to the Black people in your lives outside of maybe hoping that today is a day of rest for them if they have it off from work.

Maybe you could not treat Juneteenth like a summer barbecue holiday and not diminish its significance like you've diminished Labor Day, Memorial Day, or even Independence Day.

Maybe you could take some time today to learn Juneteenth's history and significance while enjoying your unearned federal day off.

Maybe you could legitimately volunteer your time and energy to a cause supporting Black communities in your city while enjoying your unearned federal day off.

Maybe you could recognize that Juneteenth only represents the emancipation of enslaved Africans in Confederate states and that enslaved Africans as a whole weren't free across the United States until the passage and ratification of the Thirteenth Amendment in December 1865, so Juneteenth, while being a significant moment in Black U.S. history, isn't the "Black Independence Day" y'all have been led to believe it is.

...

You're gonna go ahead and ignore everything I said because it feels uncomfortable in your tummy and wish me a Happy Juneteenth anyway, aren't you?

Of course you are.

SIGH.

Well, I tried.

"Good talk."

[Image description: A cartoon of Star Trek: The Next Generation character Commander Riker awkwardly straddling and sitting in a chair.]

Image description: A cartoon of Star Trek: The Next Generation character Commander Riker awkwardly straddling and sitting in a chair.

On Resilience, Privilege, Catchphrases, and Affirmations

If you view resilience as something you can quantify as a "side quest" achievement that can be yours if you "work hard" and "dedicate yourself" to cultivating it, then you need to take a moment to acknowledge that you have led a privileged life.

A whole lot of us are resilient because we had no choice.

For many of us, it's about being resilient or perishing. Many of us come from lineages and ancestries that had to be resilient in the face of overwhelming oppression, racism, colonialism, elitism, classism, and white supremacy. Many of us carry the weight of our ancestors in our bodies while we navigate a world still using the same tools to oppress our communities 300+ years later. Many have identities that put us at odds with societal "norms" when all we want to do is live and thrive. Many of us tap into our resiliency daily because it's either fight or die.

There's no in-between.

If you're able to view resilience as a catchphrase, a watered-down yoga affirmation from your "guru" of pallor, or a "workplace value" for your company that you espouse to new hires with glee and gusto, you have no idea how privileged you are.

But hey, at least it looks "awesome" on that Etsy motivational poster you've got up in your house or cubicle, right?

On Byron, Jim Crow, and Identities

To all the Black people married to or in long-term relationships with people of pallor, especially Black men, I offer a piece of advice: never love any person or any concept of power and privilege more than you love your people and your identities.

I’m married to a person of pallor. We've been together for almost 16 years. I love her deeply. She is arguably my favorite person in the world. But I could never love her if it was at the behest of my blackness. I could never be with her if our relationship were built on distorting the historical oppression of my people to keep her comfortable with my existence. I have never had to minimize or suppress myself for her. I have watched her learn, unlearn, grow, and stand up against hatred, bigotry, and anti-blackness. That's what any relationship with a person of pallor should be if you're a Black person living in white supremacy.

Any other form of relationship with whiteness poses you and yours a clear and present danger.

Contrary to “popular belief” (”popular belief” meaning melanated folx who seek to curry favor within white supremacist ideology), let me tell you that there are no perks you'll receive from oppressing your people and yourself for the oppressors. The oppressors will never truly accept all of you. They will offer you no safety, defense, power, or privilege in exchange for your services. They will discard you when you no longer serve their purposes and no longer help them look acceptable and community-minded. That's not just speculation - that is history. Undistorted. Clear. Easy to see, established patterns of history with over 400 years of precedents.

To my Black people, I don’t know what self-hatred and generational trauma you carry in your bodies, but I wish you peace, healing, and a better connection with the value of who you are and what your people truly represent. I wish for you to find a love that doesn't have to be tethered to your identities but respects and uplifts them. Love who you love, but always love you and yours first.

Because when you're done acting like a rodent with a built-in bandit mask and the oppressors discard yo’ ass because you no longer serve a purpose, there ain't gonna be no one there who looks like you to help you get back home.

Pepperidge Farms remembers.

[Image description: a picture of U.S. State Representative Byron Donalds speaking to a crowd.]

Image description: a picture of U.S. State Representative Byron Donalds speaking to a crowd.

On Ryan, Diane, and Wishes

As I take a moment to reflect on the week, like I do every Friday, I think about how much I want my people to feel safe, seen, heard, and rested.

I think about Ryan Gainer and how he should still be here if law enforcement officers were taught that the intersection of race and ASD often leads to fatal action at the hands of those claiming to serve and protect. I think about how his family will never be settled. I fear for the next Black person on the spectrum who finds themselves dealing with the police.

I think about Dianne Abbott and how she should be able to speak truth to power without being silenced and diminished by people of pallor who can't fathom the reality that their niceties are neatly packaged hatred. I think about the calls for violence against her life led by a pale millionaire who will likely face no repercussions for his rhetoric.

I sit with all of this and wonder why this is part of the Black existence, this pervasive fear for our lives, livelihood, and safety. Questions pop into my head:

How does it feel to be carefree and never honestly think about your life constantly being on the line for just existing?

What would people of pallor do if they were looking at a lifetime of scrutiny and danger for doing everyday things they take for granted?

What if having a disability increased their chances of being harmed by society because of the melanin in their skin?

Would people of pallor tell the truth about their traumatic experiences at the hands of the so-called dominant class if their lives and livelihood were in danger because of the discomfort those truths caused?

I ask those questions and then check myself because I know these questions never arise for most people of pallor. I know they never put themselves in our shoes; even if they did, they'd complain about the fit.

I wish Black lives and safety weren't a novelty.

I wish we could rest with a deep, whole-body rest that allows our bodies and brains to cry, exhale, and cry some more until we feel less weary.

I wish for things I'll never see in my lifetime, but that doesn't mean I'll stop wishing.

I want my people to feel safe, seen, heard, and rested.

I know that's too much to ask for in a world fueled by white supremacy.

[Image description: Two images. The first picture is of a young Black man from California named Ryan Gainer. He can be seen smiling at the camera while standing in a parking lot. The second picture is of a Black woman named Diane Abbott. She was the first Black woman elected to the British Parliament. She is seen smiling at the camera.]

Image description: a quartet of images depicting a woman of pallor looking confused and contemplative. Around the woman's head is a series of algebraic and geometric equations floating in the ether. The images are accompanied by the caption, "People who quoted and misquoted the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., on Monday, doing the math on how many days after MLK Day they have to wait before going back to being openly oppressive, anti-Black, and racist."

Some of y'all couldn't even make it 24 hours before y'all devolved back to your regular forms.

[Image description: a quartet of images depicting a woman of pallor looking confused and contemplative. Around the woman's head is a series of algebraic and geometric equations floating in the ether. The images are accompanied by the caption, "People who quoted and misquoted the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., on Monday, doing the math on how many days after MLK Day they have to wait before going back to being openly oppressive, anti-Black, and racist."]