On Genus, Species, and Names

It has never been lost on me that white people will name their kids after the scientific name of a plant species or animal genus, yet act like correctly pronouncing my name is akin to climbing a snow-covered mountain with no equipment.

White people: if you can correctly pronounce the names of your favorite strains of cannabis and mushrooms then you can pronounce the names of melanated and Global Majority folx.

P.S.: My name is pronounced ˈferō or ˈfārō. I prefer the latter over the former, but I ain’t mad if the former happens because some regions of the world pronounce my name as such. There you go, white people. No excuses now. You’ve got a full-on cheat sheet. You get it wrong after this? You might as well gon’ head and admit you’re deeply entrenched in your white supremacist colonial ideology.

Both And

Sometimes I have to remind myself that many of the people in the United States pushing for gun safety and banning Critical Race Theory while attacking trans and queer communities are people who have allowed their trauma and familial and community influences to hurt them on a deep level. And hurt people hurt people. I have to make sure I'm considering that hateful views and bigotry are ingrained and learned behaviors often fostered in people from a young age by their families and communities. I must be cognizant of the trauma we all carry and how that trauma manifests as malicious weapons, especially for those with power, privilege, and positionality. I must acknowledge how white supremacist ideologies and societal norms influence how people overtly and covertly wield hate.

But I never have to remind myself that none of the above are excuses or passes for people to be sh—-y, hateful, and harmful to others.

It's both and.

Yeah, hurt people tend to hurt others, especially when they have the power and opportunity to do so. But just because you're unwilling to confront and unpack your generational and societal trauma and familial influences doesn't mean you get to place the burden of your hurt on those your skewed beliefs deem appropriate to oppress.

I can hold out hope for your healing and still hold you accountable for the harm you cause. I can acknowledge your trauma and expect you to work on your sh— and improve.

I will simultaneously check you and ask somebody to pray for your soul.

It's both and.

Why?

Because even if you're a hate-filled human being, you're still human. You're still worthy of love and care, even if you think me and my people aren't. You're still worthy of healing and support, even if you think other communities aren't.

Even though you may hate my people and me, I don't hate you. Even though you hate people and communities who have done you no harm, I don’t hate you. Why? I'm practicing living in health and joy. Practicing hate to respond to the hatred of harmful people stuck in their trauma does nothing for anyone. No person who has lived in a cycle of trauma and hate has ever been joyful about life.

I ain’t got time for that. Life is short.

Real talk? I hope you get to that place at some point in your life where your hate and trauma aren't your driving forces for the sake of everyone your unresolved pain harms. I hope you get to the point where you can be accountable for your words and actions and acknowledge your pain and the pain you create.

In the meantime, I'mma ask one of my religious homies to pray for your soul while praying for me to have the serenity not to want to lay hands on you while you sport your MAGA hat and act like you’re disappointed in me because I checked yo’ ass and you thought I was "one of the good ones."

Hey, I’m human.

Both and.

This Week's Opening Thought: February 13, 2023

This week's opening thought, especially for white people and Black people who have used Black women as the holders of their trauma and enmeshed white supremacist ideologies for centuries: Black women don't owe you anything.

They don't owe you knowledge or advice, labor, or entertainment. They don't owe you an "incredible" Super Bowl halftime show based on what you think you "deserve" to watch. They don't owe you 60+ hours per week in the workplace to do work you'll take credit for while still talking over them in meetings and disregarding their needs. They don't have to meet ridiculous capitalist and anti-Black expectations - expectations and pressure that you're harboring in your body and won't process yet expect a Black woman to hold and process for you - to be considered incredible or excellent. They don't owe you ego-stroking to cater to your white supremacist need for comfort. They don't owe you the opportunity to force them to shrink themselves, their goals, their joy, and their identities so you can feel good about your self-image, intelligence, or work ethic.

Black women owe you nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

But many of y'all owe Black women the world and then some, and you have for a very long time.

It's about time y'all paid what you owe.

On Trayvon, Sandra, and Existing While Black

[Image description: pictures of Sandra Bland and Trayvon Martin. Both are smiling at the camera as their photographs are taken, which means they are smiling at the viewer.]

TW: police violence, murder, anti-Blackness.

This past Sunday, Trayvon Martin should've been celebrating his 28th birthday surrounded by friends and family.

Sandra Bland should be celebrating her 36th birthday today, surrounded by friends and family.

But they're not. They're gone because of whiteness, of white people, of a white society that has no issue with seeing Black people as a persistent danger for no reason outside of intolerance and hatred.

Blackness in the United States is simultaneously living in mourning and celebration. It's observing 28 scheduled days of Black achievement and pain in white spaces in front of white audiences looking to feel good about themselves while commodifying our existence as novelty and curiosity until we are deemed dangerous and expendable. Sometimes that expendability leads to reinforcing cycles of systemic and generational poverty.

Other times it comes in the form of trauma and death.

It is far too often the latter.

No matter what they tell you or what you've read, our deaths are never justifiable, especially considering how white domestic terrorists are handled in this country. Still, our harm and deaths are often unwarranted yet blamed on us as something we brought on ourselves. And yet we're expected to get up every day, put on a smile, and live with the fact that today could be the day we don't make it back home from a trip to the corner store or after getting pulled over for no damn reason. Somehow we face all of this and contribute to society and our communities in ways that help everyone, including white people, because that's who we are deep down inside. That's how we were raised, the descendants of enslaved people on unceded land. We were raised by people who, sadly enough, passed on the generational trauma they're carrying in their bodies and all of the "rules" that come with it. They didn't know they were; they were trying to protect the next generation. We've unconsciously embodied much of what was passed to us because we want what our parents, their parents, and their grandparent's parents wanted: to live without harm and without harming others.

To dream.

To live and love and achieve great things.

To not be murdered by white violence.

This is what it looks like to live while Black in the United States.

Trayvon should be 28.

Sandra should be 36.

But they aren't.

"28 Days of Anti-Racism"

Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

"28 Days of Anti-Racism."

😳

March 1 is gonna be a damn mess in Lake Worth Beach, huh? White folx just unleashin' all the racism they've been bottling up for 28 days, chompin' at the bit to say the N-word out loud again!

Face, meet palm.

Oh, white people. Y'all try so hard sometimes and want so much credit for trying so hard, yet y'all miss the mark so often.

So many of us [melanated folx] give y'all leeway as much as we can, and we teach y'all for free so often, but then y'all put up signs like this. And y'all be so proud of these signs, too. Then you're so crushed when we're like, "No. Just no." Then you want to flip it on us, lash out at us and throw a fit over us, "making you feel like you're never going to get it right" instead of listening to us when we teach you and accepting that you'll never be perfect, but you can at least keep trying. But you've tried enough, right? We should accept that you've tried enough!

So we [melanated folx] inhale, exhale, and rinse and repeat with y'all for a while until we realize y'all seem to learn less and less the more we teach and share of ourselves to help you. So our willingness to keep teaching you diminishes over time. Y'all see this, and then y'all blame us for not wanting to teach you as the reason for your ineptitude and lack of empathy instead of looking inside and asking yourself what the hell you did or keep doing where melanated folx don't want to deal with you.

This is why y'all end up with marquees with messages like "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

White supremacy is the worst homage to Groundhog Day ever.

[Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."]