This Week's Opening Thought: February 12, 2024

This week's opening thought: It will always amuse me that every February, I get an influx of people of pallor sending me emails and DMs looking for free teaching moments. It doesn't surprise me. I get emails and DMs like this from people of pallor 365 days a year, seeking free emotional labor or seeking to use me like a search engine. But there's something about how people of pallor try to turn on the charm during Black History Month to get free labor from Black bodies that borders on comical while being reminiscent of everything their ancestors have done to Black bodies for centuries (and that many of them still perpetuate).

The compliments are more flowery.

The praise of my work sounds like they ran it through Grammarly for a tone check.

They almost always start their messages with a brief blurb, letting me know they've been following me for years and appreciate my work.

The things they ask me for oscillate between seeking justification for their actions, some form of forgiveness for what they've said or done to Black bodies, or information they could find themselves if they decided to shift even 50% of the energy they used to message me into doing something themselves.

And, of course, they never offer financial compensation of any kind.

But there's a bonus portion they tend to add to their messages in February: they acknowledge everything mentioned above.

People of pallor will send me messages every February admitting that they know they're asking me to do emotional support work, assuage their guilt for being white supremacists, or do all the research they should be doing to continue their learning for them, yet still ask me to do it and expect it all for free. Some even go so far as to acknowledge that they know they should pay me but hope I'm willing to share myself with them regardless.

Face? Meet palm.

I love the celebration that is Black History Month, but I can't wait until March 1st comes around so y'all can go back to your regularly scheduled white supremacy and anti-Blackness. I don't love any part of that sh-- either, but at least it's better than 28-29 days of faux niceties steeped in "plantation master" histrionics and pack mule load-bearing expectations.

This Week's Opening Thought: January 8, 2024

Image description: A picture of a Nintendo Wii video game console jutting from the top of a cardboard box. The box has the words "this together" scrawled on one panel in black marker. The image is preceded by the phrase, "My brain when people of pallor in leadership roles are like, "We are in this together!"

This week's opening thought for people of pallor in leadership roles: No, we are not "in this together." No matter what you say or how you say it, you will not sway me into believing that when it comes to equity, active anti-racism, anti-oppression, and dismantling white supremacy, we are "in this together." We cannot be "in this together" because we do not share the same stakes and potential consequences while "in this."

Your life isn't at stake. Your livelihood and career aren't at stake. Your safety on multiple levels is not at stake. And all that is something that so many "well-meaning" un-melanated professionals with power and positionality in organizations don't want to digest and understand.

You can't be my ally, accomplice, homey, advocate, friend, acquaintance, or nothing without being willing to legitimately understand and acknowledge that we are "in this together" while on two separate train tracks of your ancestor's creation going in the same direction. Most of y'all prefer the tracks to be running adjacent to one another because y'all ain't ready to build a track connector to come over to our track and learn, unlearn, and unpack your indoctrination into white supremacist ideology. You want to be able to occasionally look over from your train car to watch the trauma unfold, then pull your shade down and continue enjoying the ride. You only want to know of our pain enough to say that you know on the most surface levels.

Hit me up when you're ready and willing to be "in this together" beyond a sentence that sounds nice coming out of your mouth that strokes your indoctrination into the good/bad binary.

Until you do right by me, may you suck at Mario Kart 'til infinity and beyond.

[Image description: A picture of a Nintendo Wii video game console jutting from the top of a cardboard box. The box has the words "this together" scrawled on one panel in black marker. The image is preceded by the phrase, "My brain when people of pallor in leadership roles are like, "We are in this together!"]

This Week's Opening Thought: January 1, 2024

Image description: An image of the Dateline NBC logo imposed in front of a NYC backdrop.

This year’s opening thought: Happy New Year to those of you who are lifelong learners who understand racism, oppression, hate, colonialism, white supremacy, and genocide are complicated but not complicated enough to not condemn them openly and publicly. May the next 364 days be full of blessings, opportunities, and knowledge that allow you to grow while ensuring you don't end up on an episode of Dateline or 48 Hours Mystery. As for the rest of y'all?

Your sister-in-law looks like she's not with your sibling for the right reasons.

Just sayin’.

[Image description: An image of the Dateline NBC logo imposed in front of a NYC backdrop.]

This Week's Opening Thought: December 4, 2023

Image description: A man is leaning back, removing headphones from his head. He has a look of disgust and anguish on his face as he recoils. Above him are the words, "Me when a person of pallor starts telling me a story about why they're racist like it's a valid reason for being racist."

This week's opening thought for people of pallor: I don't want to sit with you as you spin a yarn about why you're justified in your racist ideology and actions.

I don't want to hear about how you, at age 57, are racist because a Black kid almost stole your wallet when you were 13.

I don't want to engage with your story of being one of the only white kids in a predominately Black, Brown, or melanated neighborhood and how you were picked on in high school when you're currently in your mid-40s.

I don't want to hear your tale about having a crush on a Latine kid when you were in the ninth grade and being dissed by him and his friends, leaving you embarrassed and humiliated unless you're still in the ninth grade for some reason at the age of 30.

What I want is for you to process your trauma through therapy (EMDR is your homey).

What I want is for you to understand that while any incident can impact and traumatize you, one interaction with a melanated person that didn't go your way is not a reasonable bar for developing and cultivating a lifetime of hatred for any particular race.

I want you to digest that I don't want to hear your supervillain origin story.

I want you to be better and do better.

And I want you to understand that damn near every melanated person you meet in life could have a supervillain origin story, but we decided to make a left instead of a right when we got to the fork in the road.

Racism is villainy. It ain't even super. It's just villainy. And it is significantly so if you're a person of pallor who regularly benefits from dominant culture and white supremacy. Stop trying to justify and seek validation for your hate.

Save the supervillain origin stories for the comic books.

You ain't fly enough to be Doctor Doom.

(Note: every example above is true. I have had those situations and many more shared with me over the years by "well-meaning" "professionals" of pallor.)

[Image description: A man is leaning back, removing headphones from his head. He has a look of disgust and anguish on his face as he recoils. Above him are the words, "Me when a person of pallor starts telling me a story about why they're racist like it's a valid reason for being racist."]

This Week's Opening Thought: November 28, 2023

This week's (late) opening thought: I've gotten so few compliments and affirmations for my work in workplaces over the past decade that it feels like a set-up when I do get them. Like, I'm not on a hunt for kudos, but it does affect a person when all you receive is negativity while watching people of pallor and folx in the sunken place are treated like "model employees" while doing immeasurable harm.

I've gotten yelled at, mistreated, disregarded, "coached," complained about, written up, and separated from employment so many times for just existing and trying my damndest every day to mitigate harm to others that when someone tells me they think I'm doing a good job? I'm waiting for the "but."

For years, my body and brain felt like they were in constant danger at work. I'm doing much better now, but real talk? I do a decent job of maintaining, but I have lapsed into that trauma state of mind way more than I'd like, depending on the day and circumstances. If it weren't for therapy, exercise, and mindfulness, I'd be a f---g mess. How do I know this?

Until a few years ago, I was two steps away from being a f---g mess. All the time.

Workplace trauma is real, y'all.

I know from experience.