On Clothes, Comfort, Identity, White Supremacist Workplace Culture, and "Professional" Attire

It's wild to me that people who consider themselves "high-level professionals" still throw out "advice" around "professional" attire. Y'all ain't got nothin' better to do with your time? Don't you have a meaningless seminar to conduct somewhere for a bunch of "professionals" who don't want to be challenged but want to act as they have been for clout?

At the beginning of my career in Human Resources, I used to "dress the part": business casual from head to toe: polo shirts, khakis, dress shoes, short haircuts, no facial hair. I did it because I was keen on being taken seriously.

I hated that sh--.

Every morning I looked in the mirror, I could see it eating away at my soul. It made me feel inauthentic, like a caricature of myself. And I still wasn't being taken seriously. If anything, I was being treated like a token, which made me constantly sad and angry. I don't know what my breaking point was, but I got up one morning, and instead of grabbing a striped polo shirt, I grabbed a Batman t-shirt.

And I've never looked back.

The moment I stopped dressing like a corporate HR goon was when my career changed, for better and worse. But I would've never been able to embrace the better if I stayed in the space of conformity. I've lost opportunities, left money on the table, and endured trauma and harm because I don't fit the "professional" image that white supremacist workplace culture almost demands from melanated folx. But I'd rather have a few fewer dollars in my pocket than cosplay as a" professional" daily. And real talk?

Who cares about this clothing thing at this point?

Why is this nonsense still important to people?

For the past few years, we all have lived through a collective trauma event, and we're still coming out of the worst of it and trying to take care of ourselves, earn a living, and maintain a job or career. Why does anyone care if someone's wearing a Care Bears shirt and some pajama pants while doing their job? Did the work get done? If it did, what's the problem? Regardless of your positionality in a workplace, if you're spending time and energy judging somebody wearing flip-flops and board shorts, you need to see that this is a "you" problem. It sounds like you need to sit and unpack your ingrained white supremacist patriarchal need to police others and maybe look into why you want homogeneity and conformity in the workplace.

And don't pull out that "you represent [insert company here] and you should dress as such" defense. That's weak and archaic. Most companies don't have a dress code or enforce the ones they have. Most weren't verbalizing this "concern" until a damn pandemic found many of us at home sitting in our comfy clothing, realizing we don't need to be in business clothes and uniformity all the damn time to be considered good at what we do.

Sheesh. Let it go, y'all. It is not the key to success some of y’all act like it is.

One of these “business gurus” recently posted, "Dress not as who you are but who you want to be." The first thing that popped into my head was, "Well, I wanna be a happy, healthy, comfortable, joyful, thicc Black man who wears t-shirts that display my voice and interests."

I'd say I'm nailing it.

Let's make the space for others to nail it too.

To HR Directors, Boards of Directors, and Senior Leaders: Don't forget to take your pills.

Image description: A meme. In the upper half of the image, a white hand is holding a medication bottle. The bottle is labeled "Hard to swallow pills." Below that statement is, "Instructions: Take one (1) without water as needed." The lower half of the image shows the white hands from above with three pills resting in the palm of the left hand. The caption reads, "HR should not have unchecked control and the final say over the equity and inclusion efforts in any company, no matter how much the senior leadership team and Board of Directors want them to."

[Image description: A meme. In the upper half of the image, a white hand is holding a medication bottle. The bottle is labeled "Hard to swallow pills." Below that statement is, "Instructions: Take one (1) without water as needed." The lower half of the image shows the white hands from above with three pills resting in the palm of the left hand. The caption reads, "HR should not have unchecked control and the final say over the equity and inclusion efforts in any company, no matter how much the senior leadership team and Board of Directors want them to."]

On Communication and Fighting Muscle Atrophy

Too many people think they’re great communicators and listeners while not being good at either. Many communication issues I’ve helped people work through in their personal and professional lives stem from people not understanding how legitimately hard communication is. The truth is that communication and active listening skills are memory muscles that need to get meaningful reps to maintain their effectiveness.

Knowing your primary communication and conflict management styles and being conscious of how fluid communication and conflict management styles can be depending on the circumstances are oft-neglected nuances that lead to miscommunication and escalated conflicts.

Understanding the necessity of being an active and engaged listener, in listening and reiterating key points shared with you before responding, is the difference between people feeling heard and validated when they share themselves with you or feeling neglected and unheard.

Some of y’all will read all that and think, “Why do I have to do all the heavy lifting? Why isn’t the other person working on their communication skills?” You’re going to have to let that go. You can’t control the willingness of other people to put in the work to be better communicators and listeners. But you can damn sure work on yourself and model how necessary these skills are to others personally and professionally. Maybe they’ll catch on and rethink the ways they communicate. Perhaps they won’t. What matters is that you’re getting your reps in. And I guarantee you will see some gains, even if those gains are centered on your fulfillment, learning, and growth.

Don’t let these memory muscles atrophy.

On Recruiting, Interviewing, and Dangerous Roads

To hiring managers and hiring committees: your beliefs around such topics as whether a candidate should receive the interview questions in advance or have a heads up on the structure of their interviews with you is in direct correlation with your current employees' job satisfaction, the working environment you've created, and your turnover.

When you begin your relationship with someone with a lack of empathy, unnecessary power plays, and "gotcha" tactics to "keep people on their toes," you set the stage for the experience that person is about to have with your company. These aren't one-off tactics or passing beliefs but the fabric of who you are as a leader, supervisor, and curator of workplace culture.

The recruiting and interview process is a two-way street, but if your side of the road is full of potholes and spike strips, people will stay the course and drive right by you.

And those who already took a pit stop with you will be prepping themselves to return to the road for a new place to lay their head.

On HR and Being The Right Hand of The King

Image description: a comic strip. In the strip, a person dressed in medieval king regalia walks away from a limbless black knight. The king is wielding a sword in their right hand. The letters "EE" are on his back, which is shorthand for employees. The limbless black knight's torso is upright, looking onward at the departing king. The letters "HR" are on the black knight's back, which is shorthand for human resources. Their arms and legs are strewn about. They are shouting at the king, "Come back...'tis just a flesh wound...oh, all right, we'll call it a draw!"

It is 2023. If you're an HR "professional," and after everything that has happened to melanated communities, queer communities, reproductive health, and public health over the past four years, you're still operating in your HR role like you're the right hand of the King?

You're in the wrong profession.

I hear Medieval Times is hiring.

Real talk? Your HR approach and philosophy were never what employees needed, even when conversations about the ethics and execution of HR were merely whispers between coworkers who were angry about how you treated them but knew that they didn't want to catch your ire and lose their jobs. And at this point? Your brand of HR is no longer wanted or tolerated by employees, as we all understand our rights and what your style of HR represents. The standard for what HR can and should be is higher now, and accountability for HR "professionals" is growing. That HR style you're still wielding like a broadsword? That's only wanted by senior leaders who view themselves on some King Richard sh-- who believe they need a human weapon to "control the peasants."

And some of y'all are mighty comfortable with being the sheriff of Nottingham.

Not a good look.

[Image description: a comic strip. In the strip, a person dressed in medieval king regalia walks away from a limbless black knight. The king is wielding a sword in their right hand. The letters "EE" are on his back, which is shorthand for employees. The limbless black knight's torso is upright, looking onward at the departing king. The letters "HR" are on the black knight's back, which is shorthand for human resources. Their arms and legs are strewn about. They are shouting at the king, "Come back...'tis just a flesh wound...oh, all right, we'll call it a draw!"]