Monday's Opening Thought: November 15, 2021

This week's opening thought: There is never a "good explanation" for why you're racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, or ableist. I don't need to know why. Your actions and words say all they need to say. An explanation doesn't matter.

I don't need to hear how you wouldn't be racist if you didn't almost get robbed by a Black kid when you were twelve. I don't need to understand how being rebuked by women has "made you sexist." I don't need to hear how you were raised to believe in two genders and two genders only. No explanation will explain away your heinous words and actions. This ain't a Marvel movie.

No one is obligated to sit and listen to your supervillain origin story.

You are not the sympathetic party or the victim in the ways you think you are, regardless of any trauma you may be carrying in your brain and body. And believe me, if your default is hate, you are grappling with generational trauma at the very least.

Being harmed doesn't give you a pass to harm others, and it doesn't make a good base for weaving a yarn that gets people to give you a pass.

Spend less time on "why" and more time on "why am I still?"

And keep your origin story to yourself.

Monday's Opening Thought: November 8, 2021

This week’s opening thought: your emotional, mental, and physical health matters more than any job or career, especially if being in that job or pursuing that career comes with toxic workplace cultures rife with misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and racism.

I know that it’s very privileged thinking to quit a job connected to your survival or take a step back in a career you’re pursuing that could derail your progress. I know it can even be privileged thinking to believe you have the right and option to find a job that speaks to your mind, body, and soul. I’ve worked positions that were all about survival, about keeping my head above water. I understand how elitist it sounds to say something like “you don’t have to take this” when we often feel we have no option but to “take this.” If you think any of the above when reading this, I want to validate and support you. Your thoughts and feelings are valid.

And that’s why your emotional, mental, and physical health matters more than any job or career.

You deserve more. You deserve better. Whether it’s a career aspiration or a job to keep your head above water, you deserve dignity and respect. We all do, regardless of or place in an organization’s hierarchy.

I know it’s daunting to embrace yourself and your mental, emotional, and physical health. I know it likely feels awkward to think differently about all of this after spending your lifetime indoctrinated in systems and workplace cultures, feeling like you have to accept abuse, that it’s part of the job. But it’s not. You matter. Embrace you.

No matter the job or career, you deserve more than just a paycheck and the abuses that “come with it.”

Monday's Opening Thought: October 25, 2021

This week’s opening thought for those who make leadership decisions in organizations: There is NO simple fix for the decades of systemic oppression and white supremacy that you’ve allowed to happen unabated in your company for decades. Quit looking for one.

There’s no one-off training that’ll suddenly abolish the toxic ways your white male managers treat and talk down to Black women under their supervision.

No anti-racism “checklist” exists that will automatically stop the patriarchy protecting white women in your workplace from pulling out the white tears whenever they’re called out for their words and actions.

No monthly anti-racism book club will Thanos snap the microaggressions and oppression Olympics and white victimhood away.

No equity audit will instantly change the minds of your board of directors or the senior leadership team who do not believe that racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia are running rampant in your company. It will not change their thinking that these issues only impact a couple of people and are not a core part of your company culture.

Everybody wants the quick solution, the thing that will make all of the hateful things their company let become a seamless part of the workplace culture go away so that they can brag that they “defeated hate.” They want the nuke that’ll put it down, once and for all, with minimal damage to the surrounding area and the villagers near the explosion. The thing is, it took your company countless decades to allow this hate kaiju to grow into a damn near unstoppable creature fed by decades of your neglect and gaslighting.

Why do you think it won’t take decades to put the hate kaiju you and everyone who has had power and positionality for decades in your company allowed to manifest and gain sentience down? And down for good at that?

You’re going to need more than a nuke to kill this beast of your creation. Better get to work before you run out of villagers to sacrifice.

Monday's Opening Thought: October 18, 2021

This week’s opening thought: I feel like it’s time to circle back around to the concept of trust. We went there a little last week but we’ve still got much to discuss. I’ve heard the word trust a lot lately in organizations that I work for and with, and I think it’s time for a refresher course on how the concept of trust works in the workplace.

Companies often ask me to help them in their quest to get their employees to trust them after years, sometimes decades, of constantly dismantling trust and faith in them and the organization’s decisions that they co-sign either with zeal or inaction. Leaders, supervisors, managers, and department heads – they all want me to conjure up the “right” mix of checklists and one-off trainings to make those who work under them trust them again. Of course, the mental and emotional labor and difficult conversations that come with rebuilding trust and holding themselves accountable for eroding trust ain’t on the table. People like me are supposed to be the vessel to push employees into finding the company and its leaders trustworthy again. And this is supposed to be done without those with power, positionality, and white privilege participating in the reconciliation and accountability process.

Y’all are a case study in why it takes a lifetime to shift organizational culture. Y’all are also a case study of how patriarchal white supremacy works. What does that case study prove?

That too many people, especially white people, believe that there is power in trust but not in the accountability and humanity that fosters, builds, and rebuilds trust once it’s been broken.

You don’t get to have people trust you without earning trust and making sure your words and actions engender a consistent belief that you are trustworthy. And if you stumble and fracture that trust? Then you have to be willing to atone for your missteps and get back on the horse to prove once again that you are trustworthy. But y’all don’t want that kind of responsibility. Y’all want a 60-minute palatable-to-people-of-pallor non-mandatory training paired with a marginalized person you’ve hired to advocate for you and sell folx on a narrative around why you should be trusted. And even if you constantly do and say things to said person to solidify that they won’t trust you either, you expect them to give it their all to make others trust you. What does that do? Well, you force your new “diversity hire” to decide to either maintain their integrity and face being fired or pushed out or throw their credibility in the nearest garbage can and cape for you.

Does that sound like a relationship built on trust to you?

Do you want people’s trust? Earn it. Be human. Own your responsibility in fracturing and eroding trust. But quit trying to find a middle person to do it for you.

There ain’t no such thing as trust by proxy.

Monday's Opening Thought: October 11, 2021

This week's opening thought: I know that many of y'all do not trust Human Resources. You don't trust the HR folx who work for your employer. You've witnessed them gaslighting people. You've watched, powerless, as they harm people of color and marginalized folx, either directly or through defending those who aim to hurt them with aplomb. You've seen them do and say harmful, racist, sexist, patriarchal, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, ableist, ageist, and do it all behind a veil of being a decent and "well-meaning" person. If you're a person of color, you've likely been on the receiving end of these words and actions. Same for if you're part of a marginalized community. And don't get me started on how most HR "professionals" view those with intersectional identities and handle matters connected to intersectionality and oppression. I want to say that I get it.

I get why you don't trust HR or even have a little bit of faith in HR having your best interests at heart. I know you wonder how much they care about you if they seem to be unwilling to mitigate your possible harm at the hands of oppression and white supremacy in the workplace. And because I get it, I want to say…that you are justified in your beliefs and gut instincts. Your experiences with HR are authentic and valid. Real talk?

You shouldn't trust HR.

Hell, I work in HR, and I don't trust the HR people I work with to mitigate the racism, microaggressions, and harm being done to me, let alone anyone else. And for me, much of the oppression and white supremacy I find myself on the receiving end of is being done to me or witnessed by me being done to others by other HR "professionals."

You didn't think I was going to tell you that you should trust HR, did you? C'mon. I would hope you'd expect more from me than that. I can't in good conscience advise y'all to do something that I wouldn't do. I'm sure that many of you reading this have found HR to be more harmful than helpful when you've found yourself being attacked and mistreated in the workplace because of your intersectional identities. If HR folx – those that I've worked with in the past as well as those I currently work with - aren't willing to support and believe me, their token Black "colleague," against the words and actions of white supremacists and oppressors at work, they are not going to be here for you either.

The best advice I can give you is to learn and understand your rights as an employee. Take the time to bone up on labor laws in your state. Attend trainings and seminars around labor law updates. Find out which agencies and labor bureaus in your region, city, or state you can go to for help if you've been facing discrimination, oppression, and racism in your workplace and have been gaslit or denied support by HR. File a complaint with those agencies and take action when you've gotten to the point where you can't endure being harmed at work any longer. Research labor lawyers in your area and file a lawsuit if needed. But don't suddenly think that HR is going to finally decide to help you on your umpteenth time coming to them for help with your white teammates saying and doing racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, and ableist things to you and others. HR ain't here for you. They are here to tow the company line first and mitigate white people's discomfort with facing repercussions for their hateful actions second.

You shouldn't trust HR because they have not shown you that they are willing and capable of centering your humanity over the company's interest and the comfort of white people and people of color with privilege. And that slice of reality is something you can trust.