On Women's History Month, International Women's Day, and the Perils of White Women

It's International Women's Day today, and March is Women's History Month in the United States. While so many women have influenced me and how I view, approach, and navigate the world, from my mother in my formative years to women I am happy to call friends, chosen family, and long-time colleagues; I must admit that all of my gratitude for those women comes with a side-eye to white women.

They are the most dangerous people in my chosen profession.

They have placed me in more dangerous situations than any other group.

They have threatened my livelihood and earning potential on multiple occasions.

So it makes it hard for me and many other melanated folx to celebrate all women as deeply as we could when the specter of whiteness and the power and positionality of white women is under the surface of celebrating progress and perseverance.

Yes, it's International Women's Day, and this month is Women's History Month in the United States. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be honest about our world and how white women impact that world. If you live in western culture and have decided to be remotely observant, you've seen firsthand how white women are placed at the forefront of women's history, like they are the only entity that has fought for earning and maintaining women's rights. But then you look at how white women vote, who they collectively posit as their "oppressors," and how they have exploited and benefited from the work and energy of melanated communities in similar and sometimes more harmful ways than white men. And that sh-- hits different. Like, women as a whole have to constantly fight for the right to exist in this world, in the United States, but I've seen so many of those fights for rights, equity, and equality be uphill battles against the opinions, power, and positionality wielded by white women.

Look, I'm not trying to be divisive or disrespect women. I am from a family of women who've persevered despite the constant harm of our world. Talking about this will likely find me dealing with a whole mess of Karen-energy emails and DMs. But real talk? I call it as I see it. And besides, I'm gonna delete your emails, so save that energy for doing better.

We should all be able and willing to celebrate, fight alongside, support, and stand with all women. But to make an already hard battle a little easier, we need white women to step it up beyond lip service and evolve away from their white supremacist ideologies.

Y'all are the roadblock for all women, white women.

It's time to start clearing the road.

P.S.: Before some of y'all chime in with the "your wife is white" comments: yes, I know. I'm aware of the fact that my wife is white. I'm also mindful of how she atones for her whiteness and consistently shows up in spaces to support Black women, melanated women, and all women with the privilege she has while taking in feedback and checking herself. We wouldn't be together if she didn't, so find a new talking point to diminish the truth.

This Week's Opening Thought: February 13, 2023

This week's opening thought, especially for white people and Black people who have used Black women as the holders of their trauma and enmeshed white supremacist ideologies for centuries: Black women don't owe you anything.

They don't owe you knowledge or advice, labor, or entertainment. They don't owe you an "incredible" Super Bowl halftime show based on what you think you "deserve" to watch. They don't owe you 60+ hours per week in the workplace to do work you'll take credit for while still talking over them in meetings and disregarding their needs. They don't have to meet ridiculous capitalist and anti-Black expectations - expectations and pressure that you're harboring in your body and won't process yet expect a Black woman to hold and process for you - to be considered incredible or excellent. They don't owe you ego-stroking to cater to your white supremacist need for comfort. They don't owe you the opportunity to force them to shrink themselves, their goals, their joy, and their identities so you can feel good about your self-image, intelligence, or work ethic.

Black women owe you nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

But many of y'all owe Black women the world and then some, and you have for a very long time.

It's about time y'all paid what you owe.

On Trayvon, Sandra, and Existing While Black

[Image description: pictures of Sandra Bland and Trayvon Martin. Both are smiling at the camera as their photographs are taken, which means they are smiling at the viewer.]

TW: police violence, murder, anti-Blackness.

This past Sunday, Trayvon Martin should've been celebrating his 28th birthday surrounded by friends and family.

Sandra Bland should be celebrating her 36th birthday today, surrounded by friends and family.

But they're not. They're gone because of whiteness, of white people, of a white society that has no issue with seeing Black people as a persistent danger for no reason outside of intolerance and hatred.

Blackness in the United States is simultaneously living in mourning and celebration. It's observing 28 scheduled days of Black achievement and pain in white spaces in front of white audiences looking to feel good about themselves while commodifying our existence as novelty and curiosity until we are deemed dangerous and expendable. Sometimes that expendability leads to reinforcing cycles of systemic and generational poverty.

Other times it comes in the form of trauma and death.

It is far too often the latter.

No matter what they tell you or what you've read, our deaths are never justifiable, especially considering how white domestic terrorists are handled in this country. Still, our harm and deaths are often unwarranted yet blamed on us as something we brought on ourselves. And yet we're expected to get up every day, put on a smile, and live with the fact that today could be the day we don't make it back home from a trip to the corner store or after getting pulled over for no damn reason. Somehow we face all of this and contribute to society and our communities in ways that help everyone, including white people, because that's who we are deep down inside. That's how we were raised, the descendants of enslaved people on unceded land. We were raised by people who, sadly enough, passed on the generational trauma they're carrying in their bodies and all of the "rules" that come with it. They didn't know they were; they were trying to protect the next generation. We've unconsciously embodied much of what was passed to us because we want what our parents, their parents, and their grandparent's parents wanted: to live without harm and without harming others.

To dream.

To live and love and achieve great things.

To not be murdered by white violence.

This is what it looks like to live while Black in the United States.

Trayvon should be 28.

Sandra should be 36.

But they aren't.

A Quick Open Letter to White People

White people,

There will be some Black people who will give you the side eye when you ask them if they’ve seen the latest Oscar bait chattel slavery movie, hit them with a “factoid” about being Black in the United States you just learned, or share your opinion on Black folx’s business (*cough* Brittney Griner *cough*) that ain’t got nothing to do with you. Some Black people will give you that side eye because they weighed out whether they should read you for filth or let you sit with discomfort as they look at you with supreme judgment, and the latter took less energy and time than the former. Some Black people will then not talk to you for a while so that they can make sure you have to sit with yourself and process your messiness sans Black people. Some Black people will hope you learn something from the experience but know deep down in their souls that you will not.

It’s me.

I’m some Black people.

[Image description: a picture of Black comedian Bernie Mac giving someone the side eye. His sunglasses are resting low on his nose as his side eye looks to the left.]

Image description: a picture of Black comedian Bernie Mac giving someone the side eye. His sunglasses are resting low on his nose as his side eye looks to the left.