On Drivers, Passengers, and Road Trips

When you're in a position where you have privilege, power, positionality, or some combination of the three, you are more than likely the driver—the driver of your destiny, your learning, your unlearning, and your personal development and growth, which means your privilege allows you to actively and passively drive things for others who aren't as centrally positioned. But one thing most people seem to neglect thinking about is that when you have so much power as the driver, you need to recognize that half the time, you think you should be driving but would be better off as a passenger.

Being a good passenger is equally as crucial as being a conscientious driver.

Evolving as a person is more about how you engage and absorb information, insights, and uncomfortable truths about yourself and the world around you than it is about being in control of everything. As a passenger, I've learned and unlearned many things. By being humble enough to let someone else take the wheel and giving them an equal share of my power, privilege, and positionality, I have grappled with my discomfort, ignorance, and the hurdles to my growth and development. And I honored those drivers in those moments by paying them back for their time and energy, amplifying their voices, and sharing my own time, energy, and resources to let them be passengers when they wanted to be. If we're all claiming to be on the same road and heading to the same destination, we should be taking shifts as the driver and passenger to give everyone on the trip the chance to be heard, seen, supported, elevated, and to rest, especially those with less privilege, power, and positionality.

That's one of the best road trips, y'all.

That's the road trip to liberation for all.

"28 Days of Anti-Racism"

Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

"28 Days of Anti-Racism."

😳

March 1 is gonna be a damn mess in Lake Worth Beach, huh? White folx just unleashin' all the racism they've been bottling up for 28 days, chompin' at the bit to say the N-word out loud again!

Face, meet palm.

Oh, white people. Y'all try so hard sometimes and want so much credit for trying so hard, yet y'all miss the mark so often.

So many of us [melanated folx] give y'all leeway as much as we can, and we teach y'all for free so often, but then y'all put up signs like this. And y'all be so proud of these signs, too. Then you're so crushed when we're like, "No. Just no." Then you want to flip it on us, lash out at us and throw a fit over us, "making you feel like you're never going to get it right" instead of listening to us when we teach you and accepting that you'll never be perfect, but you can at least keep trying. But you've tried enough, right? We should accept that you've tried enough!

So we [melanated folx] inhale, exhale, and rinse and repeat with y'all for a while until we realize y'all seem to learn less and less the more we teach and share of ourselves to help you. So our willingness to keep teaching you diminishes over time. Y'all see this, and then y'all blame us for not wanting to teach you as the reason for your ineptitude and lack of empathy instead of looking inside and asking yourself what the hell you did or keep doing where melanated folx don't want to deal with you.

This is why y'all end up with marquees with messages like "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

White supremacy is the worst homage to Groundhog Day ever.

[Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."]

Why I Didn't Post Anything on MLK Day

A white "professional" who follows me on social media dropped me a line yesterday to tell me they were surprised I hadn't posted anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. They're right: I didn't post anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Real talk?

I'm not obligated to post about Black sh—on a national holiday primarily created to appease Black communities by white politicians who wanted to feel like "good" white people.

I'm also not obligated to explain why I didn't post thoughts on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, especially to white people. But you know what? I will explain why because I'm feeling generous enough to put the anxiety and weight that the white person who reached out to me tried to put on my shoulders right back on theirs and teach 'em something while doing it.

You’re welcome in advance.

So why didn't I post anything on MLK Day?

Why bother?

Look, white folx. We [Black folx] have the same discussion about how y'all misappropriate quotes and belittle the words and works of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. with y'all every year. We have similar conversations with y'all about Dr. King and other Black luminaries that your grandparents hated and that you've deified and misinterpreted the work of all year long. We have to check y'all all the time on treating Black people like your Great Value gurus and "your spirit animals" on the other 364 days of the year (someone's Lord, don't get me started on the spirit animal thing). To be honest?

I have nothing else to teach you about the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. that I didn't teach y'all last year, the year before, and every year for at least the last decade.

You've likely forgotten what I said about this day last year. I could post the same message on my social media channels on MLK Day every year, and most of y'all will respond to it like it's new to you. Every Black person in the United States could post the same post we wrote together in a Google Doc annually, and only a few of y'all would catch it. And that's the problem.

Most of y'all aren't paying attention, learning, and doin' the work until we stop doin' it for you.

Us telling you not to sully the name of Dr. King on MLK Day is your security blanket. Us telling you to do better, be better, and dismantle the sh—you created is like comfort food. And once we don't do it? Y'all be around here actin' cold and hungry when you've got on a winter coat and didn't finish the first plate you grabbed in the buffet line.

Maybe you should finish digesting what me and mine have been sharing with y'all for years before you expect us to give you more of ourselves.

Holla at me when you begin to remotely respect the legacy and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Black U.S. America in general without needing an annual prompt.

Drop me a line when you respect the Free99 labor and energy Black folx give y'all and start taking in and processing the hard truths we've been giving y'all for over a century.

And stop dropping me a line because I didn't post something Black on a Black holiday. I don't work for you.

Not a good look, white people. But y’all already knew that.

P.S.: I spent MLK Day resting my tired Black bones and avoiding white sh--. It was time well spent. If you're white and had MLK Day off, please understand that it's not a day of rest for you and yours; feel me?

On the Tibetan Sand Fox and Invitations to the Cookout

Image description: a gallery of four pictures of the Tibetan Sand Fox. The Sand Fox has a natural expression of judgment on its face, complete with a side-eye glance. Above the fox images is the caption, "Me when white "professionals" speak up about racism one time in 100+ workplace situations they've witnessed then look over at me with a smile on their face like they've proven they're a staunch ally in the "war on racism." "

Hey, white "professionals." It's me, Pharoah. I just wanted to take a moment before y'all dive headlong into 2023 and that stack of anti-racism books you've got on your bedside table (because one of your resolutions for this year is to really get going on being anti-racist) to remind y'all that speaking up one time out of 100 times you witness racism, and white supremacy, happening in real-time does not get you an invite to the cookout.

Hell, it doesn't even get you a Lunchable and a Capri Sun.

For the 1,000th time, speaking up and calling other white "professionals" in and out for their racist and white supremacist behavior is not a fair-weather practice. You either speak up and call in and out your white "colleagues" for their behavior and action every time you see it (while checking yourself and your privilege) or don't bother. Every once-in-a-while "allyship" is something you're doing for yourself, so you feel like a "good person"; it ain't doin' nothin' for me and mine. It doesn't even help us at the moment you're doing your one-off "activism" because we [the melanated masses] know you won't be following your actions up by checking Bob from Accounting the next time he flies his white supremacy flag when your privilege and positionality allows you to do so without the ever-present fear of losing your job.

Consistency is the word of the day. And we [the melanated masses] know when y'all aren't going to be consistent but still want to get invited to the cookout so you can seek additional praise for your potato salad recipe with the pepitas and raisins in it.

If you aren't willing to fight through the discomfort of being in opposition with other white people daily, then you shouldn't sign up for this work or dupe yourself into thinking that the three times a year you say something to another white person will move the needle.

To paraphrase Shania Twain, "Okay, so you said something today after I've watched you stay silent for years and endured your private apologies away from the other white people at work every time harm has occurred my entire time working here.”

That don't impress me much.

All that performative action will do is get you an eternal side-eye.

I'll let you get back to them books on your bedside table. It looks like you haven't even creased the cover on the first one yet.

What a shame.

P.S.: This applies to your personal life, too. Active and engaged anti-racism ain't just a "thing you do at work."

On Social Media Scrolling and Inaccurate "DEI" Imagery

Image description: Two pictures. The left picture, labeled "equality," shows three people of varying heights (from L to R: tall, medium, short) standing on the same size wooden crates. They are all trying to look over a fence to watch a baseball game with varying success. The tall person can see the game; the medium person can barely look over the fence to see the game. The shortest person cannot see the game at all. The right picture, labeled "equity," shows the same three people watching the baseball game. However, this time the tallest person is not standing on a crate and can see the game. The medium-height person is standing on one box and can see the game. The shortest person is standing on two crates and can see the game.

Scrolling through my social media feeds, it is not lost on me that in the year of someone's Lord, 2022, some of us are still out here educating folx on the difference between equity and equality while watching some of y'all share that ancient picture with the people on the damn wooden crates, watching baseball, with one of your woke rants. Could someone please take that picture out back and put it out of its misery? It wasn't accurate when it was first rolled out to the masses 20-plus years ago and isn't an accurate visual depiction of equity and equality today. Equity and equality are more than standing on some crates, trying to watch a baseball game, literally or figuratively.

Let's break this down for what feels like the umpteenth time, shall we? Equality is typically defined as treating everyone the same and giving everyone access to the same opportunities. Equality, however, is not attainable without addressing the hurdles that intersect with white supremacist values and other discriminatory values and ideologies. These include but are not limited to racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and ableism.

Equity refers to proportional representation (by race, class, gender, gender identity, disability, etc.) in those same opportunities. To achieve equity, policies and procedures may result in a necessary redistribution of resources to eliminate and mitigate the impacts of the systems and ideologies that threaten equal treatment for all.

There is no equality without equity.

Do you still think you can sum up the difference between equity and equality with some people standing on crates? And don't get me started on how ableist this image is.

Everything ain't meant to be summed up in a couple of images.

Everything can't be whittled down to a few visual Cliff Notes, especially regarding the health, safety, and access to rights, resources, and privileges of marginalized and intersectional identities in a biased and segregationist society.

The oppression of others ain't a meme, y'all.


[Image description: Two pictures. The left picture, labeled "equality," shows three people of varying heights (from L to R: tall, medium, short) standing on the same size wooden crates. They are all trying to look over a fence to watch a baseball game with varying success. The tall person can see the game; the medium person can barely look over the fence to see the game. The shortest person cannot see the game at all. The right picture, labeled "equity," shows the same three people watching the baseball game. However, this time the tallest person is not standing on a crate and can see the game. The medium-height person is standing on one box and can see the game. The shortest person is standing on two crates and can see the game.]