On Trayvon, Sandra, and Existing While Black

[Image description: pictures of Sandra Bland and Trayvon Martin. Both are smiling at the camera as their photographs are taken, which means they are smiling at the viewer.]

TW: police violence, murder, anti-Blackness.

This past Sunday, Trayvon Martin should've been celebrating his 28th birthday surrounded by friends and family.

Sandra Bland should be celebrating her 36th birthday today, surrounded by friends and family.

But they're not. They're gone because of whiteness, of white people, of a white society that has no issue with seeing Black people as a persistent danger for no reason outside of intolerance and hatred.

Blackness in the United States is simultaneously living in mourning and celebration. It's observing 28 scheduled days of Black achievement and pain in white spaces in front of white audiences looking to feel good about themselves while commodifying our existence as novelty and curiosity until we are deemed dangerous and expendable. Sometimes that expendability leads to reinforcing cycles of systemic and generational poverty.

Other times it comes in the form of trauma and death.

It is far too often the latter.

No matter what they tell you or what you've read, our deaths are never justifiable, especially considering how white domestic terrorists are handled in this country. Still, our harm and deaths are often unwarranted yet blamed on us as something we brought on ourselves. And yet we're expected to get up every day, put on a smile, and live with the fact that today could be the day we don't make it back home from a trip to the corner store or after getting pulled over for no damn reason. Somehow we face all of this and contribute to society and our communities in ways that help everyone, including white people, because that's who we are deep down inside. That's how we were raised, the descendants of enslaved people on unceded land. We were raised by people who, sadly enough, passed on the generational trauma they're carrying in their bodies and all of the "rules" that come with it. They didn't know they were; they were trying to protect the next generation. We've unconsciously embodied much of what was passed to us because we want what our parents, their parents, and their grandparent's parents wanted: to live without harm and without harming others.

To dream.

To live and love and achieve great things.

To not be murdered by white violence.

This is what it looks like to live while Black in the United States.

Trayvon should be 28.

Sandra should be 36.

But they aren't.

"28 Days of Anti-Racism"

Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

"28 Days of Anti-Racism."

😳

March 1 is gonna be a damn mess in Lake Worth Beach, huh? White folx just unleashin' all the racism they've been bottling up for 28 days, chompin' at the bit to say the N-word out loud again!

Face, meet palm.

Oh, white people. Y'all try so hard sometimes and want so much credit for trying so hard, yet y'all miss the mark so often.

So many of us [melanated folx] give y'all leeway as much as we can, and we teach y'all for free so often, but then y'all put up signs like this. And y'all be so proud of these signs, too. Then you're so crushed when we're like, "No. Just no." Then you want to flip it on us, lash out at us and throw a fit over us, "making you feel like you're never going to get it right" instead of listening to us when we teach you and accepting that you'll never be perfect, but you can at least keep trying. But you've tried enough, right? We should accept that you've tried enough!

So we [melanated folx] inhale, exhale, and rinse and repeat with y'all for a while until we realize y'all seem to learn less and less the more we teach and share of ourselves to help you. So our willingness to keep teaching you diminishes over time. Y'all see this, and then y'all blame us for not wanting to teach you as the reason for your ineptitude and lack of empathy instead of looking inside and asking yourself what the hell you did or keep doing where melanated folx don't want to deal with you.

This is why y'all end up with marquees with messages like "28 Days of Anti-Racism."

White supremacy is the worst homage to Groundhog Day ever.

[Image description: an LED marquee display for the Lake Worth Beach City Hall. The left side of the marquee says, "Black History Month, February 1-28." The right side of the sign shows two hands shaking, with what one would presume is a Black hand looking garbled and discolored. Around the handshake are the words "28 Days of Anti-Racism."]

A Message to Black Professionals and Working Folx During a Moment of Trauma

TW: Murder, trauma, police brutality, and anti-Blackness.

Black professionals and working folx: it's OK not to be OK. I don't care what your employer says or how they feel about you needing time to grieve and heal after another high-profile murder of a Black man by the white supremacist system of policing civilians and its accompanying video footage. I hope beyond hope that you did not engage with that footage. If you did, I hope for peace for your mind, body, and soul. Regardless, you have the right to take some time today, this week, to breathe and center the health of your body and brain. You have the right to care for your mental, emotional, and physical health and navigate a new but familiar trauma this week.

F--- that spreadsheet. You matter more than anything going on at work this week.

You're experiencing the weight of a seemingly never-ending and constantly reinforced collective trauma that your ancestors endured and passed on to you through genetics. It wasn’t their fault they passed this genetic trauma on to you. They were enduring constant visceral harm that created the byproducts of familiar harm we’re enduring now. Your brain and body are exhausted. They've been exhausted because new traumas emerge every time they dive into healing traumas, and old traumas get reignited due to the explicit message that Black lives don't matter in the United States. Add to this the feeling of powerlessness that comes from watching white supremacy "empower" members of your community to wantonly harm and kill your people in the name of white supremacist ideology. That's why you feel heavy. This sh-- takes an almost immeasurable toll on our brains and bodies, and we've resigned ourselves to "pushing through it" when all we're doing is wading through quicksand with ankle weights while still processing the shackles of our ancestors. Don't "push through."

Pause.

Breathe.

It’s OK to call time out.

That meeting can be postponed.

That conference call ain't that important.

That "urgent task?" It wasn't that urgent before now, and it won't be that urgent later this week when you get to it.

Please do what you can to take care of yourselves, my people.

I wish you wellness this week in whatever form it may take.

On Tyre Nichols and Black Accountability Under the Spectre of Generational and Societal Trauma

Image Description: A picture of Tyre Nichols. He is smiling at the camera while wearing a lavender dress shirt, dark blue dress vest, lavender and dark blue tie, and dark blue pleated slacks. His hands are in his pockets.

T.W.: Murder, anti-Blackness, police brutality.

The murder of Tyre Nichols at the hands of five Black police officers in Memphis, Tennessee, is the intersection of white supremacy, policing, and Black self-hatred. The men that murdered Tyre were operating in a state of believing their police affiliation made them invulnerable to accountability, their Blackness be damned. They were feeding off the power they thought their positionality gave them and wielded that power to harm their own. And because they willingly disregarded the fact that badge or no badge, they're still Black men in the United States, this will likely be one of the rare times when police officers are held responsible for police brutality. And real talk?

They should be held responsible.

And Black communities should want them to be held accountable for murdering a Black man. Why?

Because accountability can't be a pick-and-choose situation.

Over the years, I've found that discussions of accountability for Black men who harm other Black people in Black communities often fall into the space of explanations pushing for why Black folx should forgive or disregard the harm they've caused. This is often frustrating for me to watch and engage with because too many Black people want to push forgiveness when Black people pose a danger to Black people or be outright quiet about it.

Regardless of the generational trauma we carry in our Black bodies, we cannot give a pass to Black people harming others while operating in spheres of white supremacist ideology. And we must stop providing Black men a pass when they harm other Black people. We've got to push through the discomfort and have hard conversations about accountability while respecting that trauma and self-hatred might be at play but not as excuses for murdering and harming others.

P.S., especially for Black folx: Please do not watch the videos of Tyre being harmed when they're shared with the public tomorrow. Don't do harm to yourself with this "Black trauma porn." You don't need to watch footage of a Black man being harmed in his final hours. No one does.

Why I Didn't Post Anything on MLK Day

A white "professional" who follows me on social media dropped me a line yesterday to tell me they were surprised I hadn't posted anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. They're right: I didn't post anything on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Real talk?

I'm not obligated to post about Black sh—on a national holiday primarily created to appease Black communities by white politicians who wanted to feel like "good" white people.

I'm also not obligated to explain why I didn't post thoughts on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, especially to white people. But you know what? I will explain why because I'm feeling generous enough to put the anxiety and weight that the white person who reached out to me tried to put on my shoulders right back on theirs and teach 'em something while doing it.

You’re welcome in advance.

So why didn't I post anything on MLK Day?

Why bother?

Look, white folx. We [Black folx] have the same discussion about how y'all misappropriate quotes and belittle the words and works of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. with y'all every year. We have similar conversations with y'all about Dr. King and other Black luminaries that your grandparents hated and that you've deified and misinterpreted the work of all year long. We have to check y'all all the time on treating Black people like your Great Value gurus and "your spirit animals" on the other 364 days of the year (someone's Lord, don't get me started on the spirit animal thing). To be honest?

I have nothing else to teach you about the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. that I didn't teach y'all last year, the year before, and every year for at least the last decade.

You've likely forgotten what I said about this day last year. I could post the same message on my social media channels on MLK Day every year, and most of y'all will respond to it like it's new to you. Every Black person in the United States could post the same post we wrote together in a Google Doc annually, and only a few of y'all would catch it. And that's the problem.

Most of y'all aren't paying attention, learning, and doin' the work until we stop doin' it for you.

Us telling you not to sully the name of Dr. King on MLK Day is your security blanket. Us telling you to do better, be better, and dismantle the sh—you created is like comfort food. And once we don't do it? Y'all be around here actin' cold and hungry when you've got on a winter coat and didn't finish the first plate you grabbed in the buffet line.

Maybe you should finish digesting what me and mine have been sharing with y'all for years before you expect us to give you more of ourselves.

Holla at me when you begin to remotely respect the legacy and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Black U.S. America in general without needing an annual prompt.

Drop me a line when you respect the Free99 labor and energy Black folx give y'all and start taking in and processing the hard truths we've been giving y'all for over a century.

And stop dropping me a line because I didn't post something Black on a Black holiday. I don't work for you.

Not a good look, white people. But y’all already knew that.

P.S.: I spent MLK Day resting my tired Black bones and avoiding white sh--. It was time well spent. If you're white and had MLK Day off, please understand that it's not a day of rest for you and yours; feel me?