On Talking "Like a Portlander," Microaggressions, and White Advice

Image description: An image of TV show host Dr. Phil McGraw. He is smiling at the viewer. His arms are extended in a way where it appears he could shrug at any moment.

Someone in a senior leadership role recently told me that I wasn't connecting with white people in a particular workplace around the topics of racism and white supremacy because I wasn't from the Pacific Northwest. They said that because I'm from Michigan, Detroit to be exact, my communication style was different. This difference, they said, was in direct opposition to how white Portlanders communicate and "build relationships" in the workplace. This senior leader told me that if I made an effort to communicate in a more "Pacific Northwest" style and "put in the extra effort" to be more likable and approachable, I would be successful.

I'm glad I wasn't holding a LaCroix™ at the time because I would've sure enough spilled it. After all, the winds from the hurricane of microaggressions in their "advice" should've blown me over and washed me away.

Real talk? I don't code-switch. I haven't code-switched in well over a decade. I say "unprofessional" words like y'all and "unprofessional" phrases like, "You feel me?" That's who I am. I hold people accountable for their actions, myself included. I speak up and speak out. I call in and call out. Although communication is fluid, I am predominantly an assertive communicator. My conflict management style is primarily collaborative, but I know that I am more competitive in handling conflict when I feel pushed, attacked, or invalidated. All of the above were and continue to be influenced by my youth, my experiences, and my life struggling against poverty, racism, and generational trauma. I understand and recognize all of this about myself and how I interact with the world. I say all of this to say that there is nothing wrong with me or how I communicate.

But there's a lot wrong with the communication and conflict management styles of white "professionals" in white-driven workplaces. The majority of white folx at work, especially those in senior leadership positions, want to protect themselves and their comfort and constantly do what they deem necessary to force Black folx and employees of color to prioritize white comfort at the behest of their own.

Or, as some of them like to put it, "offer you some friendly advice."

Believe me when I say that I don't want or need your "advice" on how to cater to you. Frankly, I and so many other Black folx and people of color have no desire to cater to whiteness, even if it means we can't work for your company.

I'm not trying to be a "white whisperer" when the price is my self-respect and mental health.

Maybe more white "professionals" need to understand how telling Black folx and people of color they need to be more docile communicators is a form of white fragility and white violence.

Maybe more white "professionals" need to learn more about their communication styles and how communication isn't "one size fits all."

Maybe more white "professionals" need to stop thinking they're Doctor Phil.