This Week's Opening Thought: July 18, 2022

This week’s opening thought: When did your manager or supervisor last ask you how you were doing? Like, not the everyday pleasantry “how are you” where you know that your answer needs to be a surface one, but an empathetic, vulnerable how are you where you feel they genuinely care about you?

When was the last time your manager or supervisor talked with you for more than 2-3 minutes about something other than work that wasn’t small talk or a “water cooler” conversation?

When was the last time your manager or supervisor had a one-on-one with you that started on time, touched on work for a few moments, then touched on what you need to feel supported and successful?

When was the last time your manager or supervisor rescheduled or canceled your one-on-one because “something came up?”

When was the last time your manager or supervisor chatted with you from an empathic place about a performance or work-related issue that they wanted you to address and offered their legitimate help and support? You know, talking to you like a person that, like all people, makes mistakes and deserves not to have their dignity trampled on by a herd of vitriol?

When was the last time your manager or supervisor notified you of a performance issue in a timely manner? Like, when the matter first became an issue and not weeks or months after the fact?

Many things can be cited as the driving forces behind the so-called “Great Resignation” movement: inequitable and unequal pay, heteronormative white supremacist workplace culture norms, sexism, a severe lack of flexibility in work hours, I could go on. But the common thread in all of this, the one thing every driving force shares, is a disregard and disrespect for people. People have left companies and are likely currently plotting how they can leave your company without taking on financial hardship because they do not feel valued as people.

Yes, workplace policies and systems leave many of us feeling like nothing more than interchangeable cogs. Yes, Human Resources departments leave many people feeling they have no support if they are being harmed and mistreated at work. But the one person who is often at the center of people feeling invalidated, verbally abused, neglected, and minimized are managers and supervisors. And real talk?

In my experience, managers and supervisors are often the people inflicting the harm or the person who has known about the harm taking place for some time and don’t want to be bothered to “go the extra mile” and support their team members that need support.

There’s a reason people say that clichéd “employees don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses” line as much as they do. It is legitimately one of the core reasons people share in their exit interviews about why they’re leaving, right behind citing an unhealthy workplace culture and feeling devalued or undervalued by the company. We leave companies because we’re at our breaking point and want to care for ourselves. We leave companies because we’re at our breaking point, and we know we deserve better: better treatment, better pay, better time off and flexibility, and better workplace culture.

And some of y’all managers and supervisors do more than your part to get us to that breaking point, whether directly or indirectly.

If you’re a manager or supervisor reading this, I want most of y’all to take a moment to check yourself. I’m sure some of y’all are feeling some kind of way right now. I’m sure many of y’all have gone into “not me” territory. I want you to ask yourself why you went on the defensive when you read this. I want you to unpack why you’re trying to deflect the high possibility that it is you for someone under your supervision that you are passively or actively causing them harm. Then I want you to think about the last time you asked your team members how they were doing. Like, not the everyday pleasantry “how are you” where you’re only seeking the surface answer, but an empathetic, vulnerable how are you. And I want you to be honest with that answer. Why? Because that answer will dictate how you view the five questions after it.

And that’ll give you a pretty good window into the kind of manager or supervisor you are.

It’s not a good feeling to realize that you’re the cliché, is it?

I’m guessing you’re feeling a need to ask your team members how they’re doing now, aren’t you?

I’ll leave you to it. You’ve got a lot of trust and faith to rebuild.