On Friends, How Many of Us Have Them, and What Friends Are For

I feel like I say this once a year, around this time of year, so I suppose it's about that time to repeat it:

Black folx, people of color, marginalized folx don't always want to be your friend, white people. Especially white people with power, privilege, and positionality.

Not at work. Not outside of work. Not on a boat. Not on a goat. Not with a fox. Not in a box.

We're not obligated to be "buddies" with those who will not step up for us. Us being your "buddy" shouldn't be a prerequisite for you maybe speaking up and speaking out every once in a blue moon. We're not here to help you complete your United Colors of Benneton or Diversity Bingo cards. We're not here to help you have bragging rights or make you "feel good," or validate your actions and behaviors.

Friendships, hell, relationships are built on establishing and maintaining trust, something that far too many white folx and people with privilege and power think are givens. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is not a given. All relationships take consistent work and effort and maintaining deeper relationships like friendships hinge on this consistent work and effort. Many of y'all expect us to put in the work of being vulnerable with you and holding space for you and your needs while you reap the benefits with little to no reciprocation. This is not a healthy dynamic. If you aren't willing to put in the work but expect Black folx, people of color, marginalized folx to carry all of the weight for you, you are either consciously or unconsciously fine with having abusive relationships with oppressed folx.

Either be a ride or die or keep on ridin' by.