Monday's Opening Thought: September 27, 2021

This week's opening thought: Last week, I shared an interaction that I had at work, where the white people with power and positionality in my workplace admitted to me that they were scared of me and that I made them uncomfortable. One of the responses to this post was from a Black person, a Black woman. Her responses stated that it was up to me to prove to these white people that I'm not scary or dangerous. She said that I should check the tone of my voice, make myself likable, even take these white people out to lunch or coffee to show them that I'm not scary. They thought they were giving me "sound advice."

In actuality, they were consciously or unconsciously blaming me for the white fragility and white violence of the white people I work with every day.

What they did was show everyone precisely where they stand when it comes to supporting and defending Black folx, Black women, people of color in white workplaces, and likely even white society.

This was the best advice that this Black person, this Black woman, felt she could give a person of color whose work is grounded in anti-racism, critical race theory, and intersectionality. She thought that telling me to have a more pleasant tone of voice was the ticket. She feels that if I take them to lunch and cater to them, they'll view me as safe. That'll show them that I like them and that I'm here to make sure they feel nice and comfy while talking about uncomfortable topics like their perpetuation of white supremacy.

This is why I believe in the saying, "Ain't all skin folk kinfolk."

Beware of the Black "professional" whose "professional advice" is to make yourself palatable for white consumption.

They are wittingly or unwittingly weapons of white supremacy, wielded by white people against other Black people. They are here for their personal and professional self-preservation, not to use the experience and privilege they have acquired to help elevate others. They have been harmed by whiteness in some way, which has pushed them to assimilate and be docile and likable to survive. Whoever they were at the start of their career – vocal, genuine, action-oriented, supportive? That person is long gone, their flame likely diminished or extinguished by white people in their personal and professional lives. Their resiliency has become complicity and complacency. As much as these folx frustrate me and try to block me from doing real change-making work, I do not blame them for who they are now, at least not entirely. I understand many of the impacts and factors that lead Black people, Black women, people of color to uphold these systems with the hopes of advancing their careers and protecting themselves in white workplaces. I get why they advise others to assimilate, to become palatable. I feel for the pain and trauma that has brought them to the point they are at now. I'm saddened that the best advice they can give at this point is basically, "talk less, smile more."

And I can hold space for all of that while not trusting them or their intentions.

Just because I feel for you doesn’t make what you’re doing and saying any less painful and oppressive.

Beware of the Black "professional" whose "professional advice" is to make yourself palatable for white consumption – because they also want you to be palatable for them.

You’re the mirror into who they used to be that they want to shatter.