This Week's Opening Thought: May 13, 2024 — The Official Website of Pharoah Bolding

Trigger warning: Mentions of sexual assault, misconduct, homophobia, and misogyny.

This week's opening thought: I saw a lot of mind-numbingly fragile takes from cis men during the "Bear or Man" debate. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. But one of the dumbest "hot takes" I stumbled upon was from a cis man of pallor who wrote a whole dissertation around arguably the weakest "not all men" stance possible:

Not supervised men.

Yes, you read that right.

This dude wrote a whole diatribe stating that cis men aren't a danger to women and femmes when other men are around to check them on their behaviors.

Does anybody want to tell him, or should I?

The deluded belief that the majority of cis men stop other cis men from harming women and femmes made me want to take a nap. In a country founded through cis men of pallor-driven lynch mobs, where cis male-perpetrated hate crimes have reached all-time highs, and where those who have been sexually harassed and assaulted by cis men rarely get the consistent levels of justice they deserve for their assailants, to think that somehow a group of cis men standing nearby deters the dangerous and toxic nature of masculinity is so off-base it makes my brain hurt. One, the idea that we need to "supervise" grown-ass men to stop them from possibly harming someone speaks volumes about our societal culture. Two, I grew up in a woman-led household with a father who modeled how not to treat women and femmes. I've spent my whole life checking cis men on their behaviors. I've gotten into physical altercations over this sh--.

And other men were standing right there, either saying nothing or participating in trying to shame me for "not being a bro."

I worked in human resources for a college a few years back whose maintenance department was ripe with sexual harassment and intimidation. One team member, a woman, had to leave the college after team members sexually harassed her and made lewd passes at her all the time. One cis man came forward to state his discomfort with cis men in the department simulating acts of sexual assault toward other cis men in the department, himself included. When I addressed these issues with the department directors, they chuckled and said, "You know, boys will be boys," I swiftly said, "No. No, they aren't. I've never thought I should come to work and simulate sex acts or harm others. I don't know any 'boys' that do that." The room went quiet, with a few men holding their heads low or avoiding eye contact altogether. At that moment, I knew they had all witnessed these things for months and years and decided not to speak up or speak out.

A week later, they requested that I no longer be one of their primary HR contacts.

So, no, "not supervised men" ain't gonna fly.

Hell, I'm a cis man, and I'd rather deal with the bear.

[Image description: a comic panel of a bear embracing a woman. The woman shouts, "My hero!" as the world burns behind them.]