This Week's Opening Thought: July 11, 2022

This week's opening thought: I took a five-day vacation recently. Coupled with that was a six-day stint away from technology, social media, content posting, and all that jazz. It was terrific, y'all. Wonderful. I relaxed. I ate some bomb-ass food. I wandered around San Diego. I read books for pleasure and not for learning and anti-racism knowledge for the first time in a long time. I almost forgot how nice it was to read for fun. I recommend it.

I also recommend walking away from this internet sh—as much as possible.

I'm going to be taking a week off from all of this online sh-- at least once a month from now on. I'm also planning to disconnect from it all in the evening.

Real talk? Identities, self-worth, and the quest for validation permeate so much of the internet experience for many of us. We're so tethered to this surreality of social media and the internet that it starts becoming a parallel existence for too many people. I know I threw myself into using social media as my platform for my work during the pandemic when the in-person opportunities disappeared. At some point during it all, I lost the focus and purpose of my work on these social media platforms. I got lost in the comments and the "debates." The opportunities to share knowledge would routinely devolve into soapbox moments. Around six or seven months ago, I caught myself in this quagmire.

I realized that I got stuck in a surreality.

I realized I needed to get my ass unstuck real quick.

I began focusing on making sure the things I posted were back to being intentional and informative. I silenced the "debaters" by deleting their comments and blocking their access to my work. I deleted the DMs and reported many of the folx who sent me hateful messages. The truth is, my online content is now at a point where it displays my voice and views in more impactful ways than it ever has.

And that's right around when the hateful DMs became more of a regular occurrence, to the point where I had to ensure messages from people not on my friend's lists would be blocked.

That's when the reports of my posts about white supremacy being "racist" began to increase.

That's when the temporary bans for "hate speech" content, i.e., posts pushing for white people to be responsible for their upholding of white supremacy, started to happen with more regularity.

So I took six days off from any interactions with social media and content creation around race, inequity, and human resources issues.

I returned to an inbox of hateful DMs and seven people I needed to block with comments I needed to delete.

I returned to see that LinkedIn decided a post I made about white people not understanding Black communities' trauma when Black people are murdered by the police was "hate speech" after I appealed to have it reposted. The usual pattern of LinkedIn is if you're a Black person,  once they've decided something you've posted is "hate speech," your days on the platform are numbered. Either your posts will get lost in the ether, or you will be removed from the platform altogether.

In other words, I returned to another week on social media as an unapologetic Black person who isn't looking for validation and "debates."

So I'm going to return my ass back into an extended vacation from social media.

I'd rather sit on my porch with a La Croix and read a good book than entertain the thought of putting my whole self on platforms built on pushing legitimate hate speech and silencing Global Majority folx. Some of y'all prove every day that you are the reason we all can't have nice things, so I'm going to make sure you don't get to have a place to be a white supremacist on my time.

From now on, my primary content will be built for my website, a possible newsletter, and an eventual paywall at the beginning of 2023. I will no longer post complete content pieces on social media platforms, just off-site links to said content pieces. And even though I'll be creating more regularly scheduled content, sharing the links to that content on social media won't be a regular occurrence. If you want to continue following and engaging with my content, you can always add the RSS feed to your RSS reader or bookmark my website.

Now, lemme get off this internet and back to my Tangerine La Croix and The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix because this book is messed up, and this drink is refreshing as hell, y'all!

Live your life on your terms.

This Week's Opening Thought: July 4, 2022

This week’s opening thought: Hey, y'all! I hope this post finds you and yours able to take the time to heal and support one another. If you're privileged enough to be off of work today, even though being off today is a loaded situation, I hope you can use this time to be with family, friends, or even yourself for rest and re-centering. Ultimately, I hope this post finds my Black and Brown folx, Indigenous folx, AAPI communities, and communities of color able to embrace joy, love, and happiness as we navigate a hostile world.

I wanted to drop y'all a line today to touch on what I just touched on above: taking care of yourself, your community, and those you love. But I want to focus on the first part of the last sentence: taking care of yourself.

Starting tomorrow at 12:00p, I'm going to be off the clock until Tuesday, July 12. I'm going to take a little time to disconnect from everything, hang out with my wife, eat some good food, and go on a trip for the first time in a little over two years. I'm looking forward to it.

Also, starting tomorrow at 12:00p, I will no longer be taking on any new clients, consulting, moderating, or training gigs for the rest of 2022. I'm closing up shop to focus on myself for the rest of the year. The truth is, I've got two comic-related projects, a podcast, and a more regular website content schedule to which I've wanted to devote more of my time and energy for almost a year now. Those things bring me joy and power, yet I've neglected them to focus on white supremacist workplaces that are not interested in change. I owe myself more than that. I plan to use the second half of 2022 to do everything I mentioned above. Will I be reopening my services in 2023? Maybe? We'll see how I'm feeling at the beginning of 2023. I refuse to continue doing things that harm my soul, including dealing with white supremacist workplaces and white leaders who like the idea of me but not the skills I possess in helping them unpack their sh--.

Co-dependence ain't worth my happiness.

Here's the thing, y'all: many Black folx suffer from the weight of co-dependence. The truth is, many Black people are indoctrinated into cycles of co-dependence early in their lives. We see our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles overextending themselves and putting the weight of making sure everyone is OK on their shoulders. They do this because that is what was modeled for them by the adults in their lives when they were little. These adults in our lives passed this obligation on to us, telling us overtly or covertly that this is "what you're supposed to do."

They were wrong.

They didn't realize it at the time, but our parents passed the generational trauma of their parents onto us. Their parents passed it on to them from their grandparents and so on. This is rooted in co-dependency. Co-dependency is a learned behavior often passed down from generation to generation. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship where they don't feel like they have to overcompensate to be seen as a whole human being and supported. Most Black folx are trapped in a chain of multi-generational trauma. And that generational trauma stems from the deep-seated traumas of chattel slavery, from mental, emotional, and physical abuses at the hands of whiteness on unceded land for centuries. That co-dependence was a tool of survival against the machinations of whiteness that many of us have never been willing or able to unpack. The result is Black children being parentified at times and growing up fast because we're conditioned to help without question. The result is Black parents consciously and unconsciously placing the responsibility of somehow taking care of and uplifting the family to pull the family out of poverty and pain. For many Black people, we look at this as the necessary relationship we must have with our families to ensure they are taken care of, even if that means we feel like we're constantly failing when they aren't taken care of or stepping up to the plate themselves. We are conditioned to believe we should be helping family members who don't want to help themselves, like somehow our actions will "turn it around." Many Black folx will tell you that this is healthy, that this is us helping our own. But these relationships we have with our family members aren't healthy.

This is the base of generational co-dependency.

We have to break the chains so that the generation after us has more of a fighting chance to have healthy boundaries, healthier relationships, and a belief that they can care about themselves in more than superficial ways. And this doesn't mean just our inner circle relationships, mind you.

Co-dependency often dictates our career paths and happiness in the work we choose to do. This affects our relationships within our careers as well. And you know who exploits this co-dependence just as much as many of our family members do?

White-centered organizations and white workplaces that hire Black people to fix their problems.

That's why equity, diversity, and inclusion work is one of the most dangerous traps Black folx and many people of color can find themselves in.

It's an entire field built on exploiting the co-dependence that many Black folx, many people of color, carry in their brains and bodies. And it was unwittingly created by co-dependent people who felt it was their job to fix the litany of white supremacist societal issues we did not make. We turned our civil rights work into anti-racism and "EDI" work because white people have never felt the urgency or were interested in doing better beyond performative actions. We took this work upon our brains and bodies because our ancestors passed the generational trauma of their survival co-dependence upon us. We didn't even realize what we were doing to ourselves, y'all. And so many of us doing this work of equity, inclusion, diversity, and anti-racism? We're not as OK as we like to present ourselves. We're hurting. We're struggling. We're constantly questioning the effectiveness of the work that we're doing and grappling with feelings of failure. We're worried that we're failing the people of color in the companies we work with and for. We're not OK, y'all.

I'm not OK.

But I'm way better than I used to be.

I've spent the last year and a half in therapy. It has helped me see the co-dependence I've been trapped in since I got my first job at age 13 to help my family survive. It's helped me see how my co-dependence led me into the work I've dedicated my life to for the past decade. And it's helped me understand that if I'm going to do equity, inclusion, and anti-racism work for another decade and beyond, I need to do it on my terms. And my terms no longer allow me to be preyed upon and used by anyone, especially white companies and organizations. You cannot and should not try to save people and institutions who don't want to change or evolve by yourself. If it ain't legitimately a collective effort from now on? I'm not in.

So what does that mean? Does that mean I'm done with "EDI" work?

I'm done with it in its current form and function.

In the next few months, I'll spend a second or two thinking about what 2023 looks like for me, but I can guarantee that there won't be too many seconds spent on it. As I said earlier, I'll be spending the remainder of 2022 putting energy into projects that energize me and allow me to do equity and anti-racism work from different angles and new directions. One of the comic-related projects is a graphic collection of the things white people have said to me or in my presence for the past twenty-odd years of my life. My podcast will start in the fall; it will be a podcast centered on telling stories to promote change without interruptions. I'll be moving toward creating some regular columns and content scheduling for my website. I'll still be using my social media networks to speak truth to power, but it will be much more organized and scheduled. Hell, there might even be a Patreon on the horizon. What matters is that it will all be about me doing this work in ways that don't place me in co-dependent traps and drain me mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I implore anyone doing "EDI" and anti-racism work with organizations as a consultant or in-house staff member to seek therapy. Find ways to do this work that isn't dictated by co-dependence or white supremacist ideologies and standards. Unpack the roots of why you carry the world's weight in this work like you somehow must do so. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others with boundaries that allow you to be healthier. Make this work what you need it to be, not what companies or other people tell you it needs to be. That's what I'm doing now.

I can't recommend it enough.

See y’all in a week. Take care of yourselves.

HR, Equity, and Inclusion Blog RSS

This Week's Opening Thought: June 28, 2022

This week’s (late) opening thought: If you’ve never taken a moment to understand some of the ins and outs of labor law, both state and federal, now is a great time to start diving in, especially if you’re a member of the Global Majority or a marginalized community. Not just for you but everyone in your workplace, community, and family.

There is a real possibility that with our current Supreme Court, things will get progressively worse for many people in this country, for Black and Brown folx, Indigenous folx, folx with uteruses, queer communities, and people of color. Suppose the “governance” of many of our rights, privileges, and bodily autonomy will be “handed” to the states. This opens the gateway to employers utilizing discriminatory practices to harm Black and Brown folx, marginalized communities, people with disabilities, queer identities, and anyone who isn’t on board with white supremacist ideology and weaponized Christian dogma. Most companies you work for already utilize illegal to borderline illegal labor practices. Imagine how “fun” these companies will be when Supreme Court rulings begin setting the stage for “diversity” to become legitimately synonymous with white women and equity and inclusion become illegal.

Every Supreme Court decision made over the coming years and decades will play out in our workplaces through policies, procedures, and managerial actions that discriminate against and actively and passively harm employees. Remember that these are the same folx claiming critical race theory is creating “anti-American sentiments that are making real Americans (read: white people) feel bad about being Americans.” These are the folx that has anger toward LGBTQIAA+ communities for merely existing and wanting human rights. These are the same decision-makers who have woven anti-Blackness into everything they do, every law they pass, and every precedent they dismantle and reset in their image. And remember that many white people and privileged Global Majority folx who support these harmful individuals with their votes and money own or have power positions in our workplaces. Because of this, we all need every bit of knowledge we can absorb to protect ourselves and the people in our lives, including labor law.

I’m not saying you need to be a labor law scholar. But I am saying that now is a great time to familiarize yourself with your state labor board’s website, your union structure and bylaws, and state and federal discrimination laws as they pertain to the workplace. Something seems fishy at work? Google that sh--. Then Google it again to double-check your work from reputable information sites. Go to those twice-a-year labor law update workshops that your managers, supervisors, and many of your HR folx in your company don’t attend. They’re some of the most reasonably-priced workshops you can attend. And if you’re privileged enough to work somewhere with a training and development budget? Use some of that money to attend workshops and trainings that will help you understand some of the details of employment law employees are never made privy to knowing. If you’re privileged enough to, pay for them out of your pocket, so your employer doesn’t try to add “caveats” to your attending, i.e., quid pro quo sh—like having to come back to work and give a presentation on the training you attended.

FYI: that quid pro quo stuff is pretty damn illegal. You have the right to attend workshops or trainings for personal and professional development and not have to do something in return just because a company is willing to pay for some or all of it. Google it.

Look, it’s getting increasingly ugly and dangerous out here, y’all. There are so many ways to protect ourselves and fight for our rights. Make sure you have a fighting chance not just in the community but in the workplace as well.

Monday's Opening Thought: June 19, 2022

This week’s opening thought: I’m posting this week’s opening thought this evening because tomorrow is the federally recognized Juneteenth which, for those not in the know, is a federal holiday in the United States (note: Juneteenth is technically today, June 19, but the U.S. and western culture love their bank holidays, so c’est la vie). I’ve got some pro wrestling to catch up on and some writing I want to dive into. As a Black person, a Black cis queer man, I’m taking tomorrow off from posting about and discussing the byproducts of this country’s original sins. I’m privileged to have tomorrow off to observe some of the rights and privileges that Black people have yet also have to continue fighting for in this country. I will use that privilege to rest and care for myself, so I can be present and charged for the many battles ahead. That’s my self-care. The truth is, my people deserve this day off. But if you’re white and privileged enough to be off tomorrow?

It’s not your day off.

You’ve got a lot of work to do, white people. You better spend tomorrow reflecting, learning, and educating yourself and the young white minds in your life. You should be thinking about how you can be a better co-worker, neighbor, and community member. Tomorrow is a great day for you to mull over how to be actionable and call in or call out those white people in your life and community causing harm to Black bodies. If you’re privileged enough to do so, you should be donating your time and/or money to Black causes and the Black communities in your city. Why?

Because it’s not your day off.

If you’re a white person, you have no reason to “celebrate” Juneteenth. What the Hell are you celebrating? “The contributions of Black people?” “The history of Black achievements in the United States?” You realize those contributions and impacts happened despite your ancestors and the systems you still benefit from every day, right? Y’all do realize that you perpetuate those oppressive states by not stepping up and breaking the cycles of white generational trauma connected to colonialism and white supremacy, don’t you? With all that said, what makes you think Juneteenth is something you get to celebrate? What are you celebrating even? Chattel slavery? Colonialism? White supremacy? Anti-Blackness? Do you believe white people deserve tomorrow off with the ways most of you consciously and unconsciously practice anti-Blackness at work, at home, and in the communities you live in?

It’s not your day off, white people. It’s tasteless for you to treat it as such.

Better get to sleep early tonight so you can get to work bright and early tomorrow.

Monday's Opening Thought: June 13, 2022

This week’s opening thought, for recruiters and HR folx who handle in-house recruiting for an organization: Why are you still asking candidates for a list of references? Did you not get enough of a vibe of how a candidate can impact your workplace from the questions you asked during the interviews? Are you uncomfortable with trusting your intuition or unpacking and addressing your biases? Do you not trust what candidates share with you? Why are you still asking candidates if you can contact their current employer for a reference? Why are you insisting that candidates submit only manager/supervisor references? Why are you asking candidates for references if you’re going to do a background check?

Take a minute and mull over those questions. Then check yourself because you’re likely trying to justify your actions.

The truth is, reference checks are confirmation bias incarnate. You’re not getting anything from a candidate’s references that you wouldn’t get from the answers to well-crafted human-centered interview questions, conversations with candidates, and background checks. All you’re seeking is “confirmation” of your biases.

You’re wasting time and you’re doing harm.

You’re adding more hurdles for marginalized folx and people of color to overcome just to gain employment opportunities and career advancement.

Do you ever stop to think that a lot of folx, especially marginalized folx, Black and Brown folx, and people of color, could face retaliation or unemployment if their current employer finds out they’re looking for a new job? Or how many of us have worked for toxic employers that wouldn’t think twice about giving us a negative reference if you call them?

Of course, you don’t. You don’t wanna rock the boat of that white supremacist patriarchal workplace ideology, do you?

Recruiters gon’ recruit.